Managing Rejection: Impact on Mental Health & Relationships

Managing Rejection: Understanding Its Impact on Mental Health and Relationships

If you’ve ever wondered why rejection can feel so painful, you may be experiencing a phenomenon called rejection sensitivity. This refers to a strong emotional response to rejection, even when that rejection isn’t personal. Rejection can trigger a variety of emotions that may contribute to mental health challenges, but there are ways to respond more positively. One effective approach to overcoming rejection sensitivity is developing healthy self-esteem. At ReachLink, our therapists can help you through this process and suggest various strategies to address rejection sensitivity.

Understanding Rejection

Most people will experience some form of rejection in their interactions with others. There can be many reasons why someone might not respond to us as we would like. For example, you might be romantically interested in somebody who is already in a relationship, is interested in someone else, or simply isn’t looking for a relationship at this time. However, the sense of rejection that accompanies hearing “no” or receiving a less-than-enthusiastic response can be genuinely distressing.

Rejection can trigger a host of uncomfortable feelings, such as anger, anxiety, and deep sadness. Research shows that rejection can actually activate the pain response in our brain, meaning we may experience physical pain when our feelings are hurt. Additionally, lower self-esteem has often been linked with increased sensitivity to perceived rejection.

Fortunately, there are effective strategies to cope with and relieve some of the emotional and physical consequences of rejection. These approaches can help you feel better about the situation and yourself. Some coping strategies include focusing on a specific task or project, turning your attention to the present moment through deep breathing and mindfulness meditation, and reframing how you think about the situation.

Understanding Rejection Sensitivity

We all experience and perceive rejection differently, and some people have a lower threshold for rejection than others. It can be challenging not to take romantic rejection personally, especially if you struggle with low self-esteem. If you find yourself having strong reactions to perceived rejection, you may be experiencing rejection sensitivity.

What is Rejection Sensitivity?

Rejection sensitivity generally refers to the tendency to react strongly to rejection. Both biological vulnerability and prior experiences of rejection, such as negative interactions with parental figures during childhood, are frequently thought to make one more prone to rejection sensitivity. Previous exposure to rejection and its associated pain may make someone want to guard themselves against future harm.

The Connection Between Rejection and Relationships

Rejection can significantly impact our attachment styles and how we interact in relationships. Attachment styles typically develop from our early childhood relationship models, particularly with caregivers. When left unaddressed, research has found that early attachment styles may persist throughout one’s life, potentially affecting well-being, relationships, and mental health.

The Importance of Self-Esteem

A study of 340 university students “aimed to examine the mediator effect of self-esteem and rejection sensitivity in the relationship between attachment, depression and anxiety” found a link between an anxious attachment style and rejection sensitivity. As anxious attachment levels increased, rejection sensitivity generally increased, and self-esteem usually decreased. This combination of anxious attachment, rejection sensitivity, and decreased self-esteem could make individuals more susceptible to depression and anxiety.

The Effects of Rejection

Research suggests that rejection can mirror feelings of actual physical pain by activating regions of the brain associated with sensory and emotional pain. Romantic rejection may elicit both physical and emotional pain responses, and the higher the perceived sense of rejection, the stronger the pain response may be.

Rejection may trigger the flight-or-fight response, particularly if you’re experiencing lower self-esteem. As an evolutionary response, this automatic reaction to the perceived threat can be distressing for anyone, but lower self-esteem may make it more difficult and elicit defensiveness and hypersensitivity. However, researchers have identified mitigating factors that can offset the impact of rejection. Improving focus and concentration, for example, may reduce the impact of perceived rejection.

Rejection Sensitivity and Mental Health

Rejection sensitivity has been linked with increased susceptibility to developing depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphic disorder, among other mental health conditions.

A meta-analytic review of 75 studies indicated “significant and moderate associations between rejection sensitivity and depression,” for example.

Coping with Perceived Rejection

While rejection can be painful emotionally and physically, there are both helpful and unhelpful ways to cope.

Unhelpful Coping Methods

Maladaptive strategies for handling rejection might include substance misuse, lashing out at others, plotting revenge, or avoiding friends. You might also be tempted to suppress your emotions or avoid processing them. These tactics can worsen the situation, how you feel about yourself, and your overall well-being.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Healthy Ways to Cope with Rejection

If you’ve expressed your feelings to someone and they didn’t reciprocate, there are healthy ways of responding, including:

• Acknowledging your emotions and bodily sensations
• Allowing yourself time to process your pain
• Practicing deep breathing techniques to reduce stress and calm down
• Trying mindfulness meditation, which has been found to help with emotional control and processing

• Looking for positive or neutral aspects of the situation
• Seeking out people with whom you have things in common and enjoy spending time
• Learning something new, such as a language skill, dance technique, painting, or drawing
• Reading books on improving self-esteem and overcoming self-doubt
• Recalling positive events and times when you felt good about yourself
• Avoiding self-blame
• Cultivating your strengths by focusing on fulfilling tasks you can complete
• Developing coping strategies, such as walking, journaling, or creating art
• Maintaining a nutritious diet and healthy lifestyle
• Treating yourself with self-compassion
• Remembering that rejection is a universal human experience
• Considering therapy as a sustained way to navigate life’s challenges

Addressing Rejection with a Mental Health Professional

If you’re looking to address your self-esteem and mental health, therapy can be incredibly helpful—whether in-person, by phone, or online. A therapist can support you in exploring healthy coping skills when you feel low about yourself or a situation.

Benefits of Telehealth Mental Health Care

ReachLink’s telehealth platform connects you with licensed therapists you can talk to through secure video conferencing, phone calls, or messaging. This can be particularly helpful if you’re currently struggling to cope with distressing feelings and would like to connect with a therapist quickly and conveniently.

Effectiveness of Telehealth Therapy

While more research is needed regarding the efficacy of telehealth therapy specifically for rejection sensitivity, existing studies report that