The 5 Stages of Grief: A Therapeutic Guide to Healing

Understanding The 5 Key Stages Of Grief: A Therapeutic Perspective

Grief is a powerful, often overwhelming emotion that touches virtually everyone at some point in life. Whether experienced after the death of a loved one, the end of a meaningful relationship, or another significant loss, grief is both a universal human experience and a deeply personal journey. There are countless ways in which individuals may feel, express, and process their grief.

Understanding grief and the Kübler-Ross model

Understanding grief through frameworks like the Kübler-Ross model—which describes five common responses including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—offers one way to conceptualize this complex emotional experience. It’s important to recognize that these stages may not apply to everyone in a linear fashion, and some individuals might express their emotions in ways that don’t perfectly align with this model. However, many people find comfort in identifying their experiences within this framework. Let’s explore these stages and discuss coping strategies, including the benefits of working with a licensed clinical social worker through telehealth services.

About the five stages of grief: A framework, not a formula

Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the model of the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying in 1969. Since then, perspectives on this model have evolved significantly. Some mental health professionals have expanded on the stages, while others consider alternative frameworks more helpful. In their 2014 book On Grief and Grieving, Kübler-Ross and co-author David Kessler addressed common misunderstandings: “The stages have evolved since their introduction, and they have been very misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives.”

The grieving process varies from person to person

According to Kübler-Ross, these stages are not stops on a linear timeline but rather a framework to help people identify and work through their feelings. There is no predetermined order for experiencing them, and some people may not experience all stages. Others might return to stages they previously worked through while bypassing others entirely.

Many factors influence the grieving process, including one’s relationship with what was lost, personal coping mechanisms, cultural attitudes toward mourning, and available support systems. Family members and individuals process grief in their own unique ways and timelines.

The key takeaway is that everyone experiences grief differently. The five-stage model serves as a helpful tool for those who connect with it rather than a prescriptive template. If this particular framework doesn’t resonate with you, alternative models like the dual process model (DPM), the six-R processes of mourning, or the four phases of grief might provide better insight.

“People often think of the stages as lasting weeks or months. They forget that the stages are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours as we flip in and out of one and then another. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion. We may feel one, then another, and back again to the first one.” –On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler

The five stages of grief explained

Understanding these stages can help individuals put words to their experiences and normalize their emotional responses. Here’s an overview of Kübler-Ross’s five stages:

Denial

Many people initially respond to loss with denial, feeling disconnected from the world and their new reality. This natural defense mechanism helps individuals survive the immediate, intense pain of loss. During this stage, you might feel shocked, numb, or as though you’re moving through life in a fog. This psychological protection allows you to process the news at a pace your mind can handle.

Anger

The second stage involves anger, which represents another natural part of many people’s healing journey. Kübler-Ross advises allowing yourself to feel this anger rather than suppressing it, as acknowledging these feelings can be an important step in processing your loss. Grief can make you feel disconnected from the world, set adrift alone with overwhelming emotions. Anger provides direction and something to connect with—especially after the numbness of denial has begun to fade.

Bargaining

During the bargaining stage, many people experience an intense desire to go back in time and change what happened. This often manifests as negotiating with a higher power, making promises about how you’ll live differently if only things could return to how they were before.

Kübler-Ross cautions against becoming lost in “what if” or “if only” scenarios, as the inability to change the past often leads to guilt about what you believe you could have done differently. Instead, practicing self-compassion during this stage is essential. Bargaining often provides a temporary sense of hope or control that helps people transition to the next phase of their healing process.

Depression

As your focus shifts from the past (or hypothetical futures) to your present reality, you may feel the full weight of your grief. This often manifests as profound emptiness or sadness that may be deeper or more pervasive than sadness you’ve experienced before. According to Kübler-Ross, experiencing depression after a significant loss is a natural, appropriate reaction.

During this stage, self-care and self-compassion are crucial. Judging yourself for these natural emotions rarely helps your healing process. Reaching out to trusted friends, family members, or a licensed clinical social worker can provide valuable support during this challenging time.

Acceptance

Acceptance is considered the final stage of grief, though it doesn’t mean being “over” your loss or returning to your previous “normal.” Rather, this stage involves learning to live with your new reality. It’s about understanding the truth of your situation instead of denying what happened or wishing it was just a bad dream. In this stage, many people find ways to carry their grief with them as they move forward in life, integrating their loss into their ongoing story rather than leaving it behind.

How long does grief last?

There’s no universal timeline for grief. Each person’s experience is unique, making it impossible to predict how long specific feelings might persist. However, if symptoms of unresolved grief continue for more than six months and significantly interfere with daily functioning, it’s possible to develop a condition known as complicated grief.

Signs of complicated grief may include persistent, intense loneliness; preoccupying thoughts about the loss that interfere with daily activities; inability to accept the reality of the loss; and either excessive avoidance or proximity-seeking of reminders related to the loss. Complicated grief is treatable, typically through specialized psychotherapy focusing on self-observation, reflection, companionship, and imagery exercises.

How telehealth therapy can help you process grief

Grief can feel isolating, but it’s essential to remember that support is available. While leaning on friends and family is valuable during this time, many people also benefit from working with a licensed clinical social worker through telehealth services. These mental health professionals provide a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can express your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms to help you navigate your grief journey.

For those in the midst of grieving, particularly when dealing with unresolved grief or anticipatory grief associated with terminal illness, the thought of traveling to in-person therapy appointments may seem overwhelming. In these situations, telehealth services through platforms like ReachLink can provide crucial support without the additional stress of commuting to appointments.

The effectiveness of telehealth therapy for grief

Research suggests that online therapy can be an effective intervention for grief. Through ReachLink’s virtual therapy platform, you can connect with a licensed clinical social worker from the comfort of your home via secure video sessions. This format offers flexibility and accessibility while maintaining the quality and confidentiality of traditional therapy.

Working with a ReachLink therapist can help you:

• Process complex emotions in a supportive environment
• Develop personalized coping strategies
• Navigate the various stages of grief at your own pace
• Address any complicated grief symptoms that may emerge
• Find meaning and purpose as you adapt to a new chapter in your life

Ultimately, grief is a deeply personal experience without a one-size-fits-all solution. Embracing a flexible framework like the five stages of grief can provide guidance, but it is the personalized support from skilled professionals that often makes a significant difference in healing. Telehealth therapy offers a viable and effective option for receiving that support with convenience and compassion.

If you or someone you know is navigating the difficult path of loss, consider reaching out to a licensed clinical social worker who can help you uncover resilience and hope through your grief journey. Remember, healing does not mean forgetting—it means learning how to carry your love and memories forward in a way that honors your unique story.