Overcoming the Feeling of Being a Failure

Feelings of failure stem from childhood experiences, negative self-talk, and harmful comparisons, but evidence-based therapeutic interventions including gratitude practice, self-care routines, and professional counseling can effectively rebuild self-worth and create lasting positive change.

Does every setback feel like proof that you're not good enough? Feeling like a failure can cast a heavy shadow over your life, but here's the empowering truth: these thoughts don't define you, and with the right therapeutic strategies, you can build lasting confidence and resilience.

Embracing Resilience: Overcoming Feelings of Failure and Building a Rewarding Life

At times, you may perceive yourself as a failure due to a mistake you’ve made or an unfortunate event you feel responsible for. Perhaps you faced repercussions at work or received criticism from your partner. It’s possible that your family is influencing these thoughts by sharing their opinions on how you should live your life. Even harsh remarks from strangers on social media can contribute to this sense of failure. Nonetheless, experiencing failure doesn’t define you as a failure. Dwelling on your shortcomings can not only bring about negative emotions but also lead to depression and diminished self-worth.

Experiencing a sense of failure is not unusual. Throughout their journey, even the most accomplished individuals have encountered failures, obstacles, and disappointments.

While failure may seem like a daunting pit to escape from, it is possible to enhance your self-perception and reduce feelings of inadequacy. Various strategies can help you achieve this. Remember, experiencing setbacks and unsuccessful attempts does not define you as a failure; it merely highlights your humanity.

Possible Reasons for Feeling Like A Failure

There are numerous possible reasons for feeling like a failure. Here are some common ones.

Childhood Experiences

For many, the sense of failure stems from childhood. Children are often taught to achieve specific goals to be acknowledged and loved. Ideally, parents should love their children unconditionally, but this isn’t always the case. Instead, some parents withdraw attention and affection when their children make mistakes, whether minor or significant. This response is inappropriate.

Feelings of failure might also stem from childhood if teachers or peers treated you in a way that suggested you were a failure. Punitive teachers and judgmental peers can have a powerful, painful, and traumatic impact on a child’s brain and emotional state.

Negative Self-Talk

Your self-talk can also contribute to feeling like a failure. How you frame your life and speak to yourself can impact how you handle setbacks and move forward. If you use negative and unkind language towards yourself, you might struggle to view yourself as successful. Instead of saying, “I’m a failure,” try saying “I made a mistake” or “I failed at this, this time.”

Comparison

Comparing yourself to others can rob you of joy. Observing someone else’s success can make you feel inadequate, unworthy, or like you have failed. However, success varies in rate and scale, and achieving it at a large scale isn’t always pleasant. Remember that you don’t need a partner to be a worthy and meaningful human being or live a purposeful life.

Perceptions

Feeling like a failure can be a matter of perception. What might seem like failure to you could be enviable to someone else. It’s often people’s own perceptions, rather than actual failure or worthlessness, that hold them back.

Overcoming Feelings of Failure: Strategies for Success

You are not a failure. Your life may have been shaped by a difficult childhood or massive setbacks, but you’ve endured, and you are not a failure; you’ve merely experienced it.

To shift your mindset from feeling like a failure to recognizing you’re someone who has experienced failure, try adopting these practices and habits to change your thinking and perception of yourself:

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful tool. Studies show that consistently acknowledging what you’re grateful for reduces feelings of depression, anxiety, frustration, and inadequacy, promoting peace and contentment. Start small and gradually expand your gratitude practice.

Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care is more important than overworking or mindlessly browsing social media. Ensure you get enough sleep, eat healthily, and exercise regularly. Make your well-being a priority.

Pursue Your Goals

Pursuing goals doesn’t mean exhausting yourself. Take at least one step towards your goals daily, no matter how small. Small accomplishments contribute to achieving your goals and building courage and tenacity.

Seek Help

Improving self-perception can be challenging alone. A counselor can help develop healthy self-talk, routines, habits, and identify underlying issues, such as negative childhood experiences or traumatic events. This process can help you transition from feeling like a “failure” to being a “work in progress.”

Therapy is effective in addressing self-esteem and self-worth issues, but reaching out can be difficult. If in-person therapy feels overwhelming, consider online therapy. It can provide a safer space to discuss your feelings and is often more affordable.

Research indicates that online therapy is effective for mental health challenges like low self-esteem. A Brigham Young University study found that technology-based therapy is as effective as traditional therapy, with added benefits such as lower cost, no travel time, no waitlists, and trackable progress.

ReachLink’s Online Therapy Can Support You

If you’re facing self-esteem challenges, a ReachLink therapist can help you explore your concerns and develop healthy habits. ReachLink’s network of licensed counselors is available from the comfort and safety of your own home (or wherever you have an internet connection). Appointments can be conducted by phone or videoconference, or you can communicate with your counselor by email or in-app messaging.

Below is a review from one of ReachLink’s counselors from someone experiencing similar issues:

“Highly recommended!! I really like my therapist. She’s so pleasant and friendly, knowledgeable and reassuring. Talking with her feels natural and that makes everything so much easier. The office staff is very organized and get back to you in time. Very friendly and helpful, thank you to Brian, Steven, and I know I’m forgetting a few! Thank you 😊.”

Takeaway

Remember that experiencing failure doesn’t define you as a failure; it merely indicates you’re a human being who has encountered setbacks. Practicing gratitude, self-care, seeking the help of a counselor, and continuously working towards your goals can all help you move beyond a “failure” mindset and embrace a fulfilling and rewarding life. Take the first step today.