Understanding Disorganized Attachment Style: Signs and Solutions

Disorganized attachment style creates conflicting desires for intimacy and independence, causing unstable relationship patterns and emotional turmoil, but licensed therapists use evidence-based interventions and self-awareness techniques to help individuals develop secure attachment behaviors and build healthier, more stable connections.

Ever feel torn between craving closeness and pushing people away? Disorganized attachment style creates this confusing push-pull dynamic in relationships, but understanding the signs and therapeutic solutions can help you break free from these exhausting patterns.

Recognizing Disorganized Attachment Style In Yourself

Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby, proposes that humans are born with an innate need to form close emotional bonds with caregivers. This foundational theory illuminates how our earliest interpersonal experiences often shape our adult relationships. Disorganized attachment, also called fearful avoidant attachment, is one of four attachment styles generally recognized within attachment theory.

A person with a disorganized attachment style typically experiences a conflicting fear of intimacy alongside a desire for closeness. This insecure attachment style can create challenging relationship dynamics, but it’s possible to address these difficulties through self-awareness, introspection, self-care practices, and open communication. Telehealth therapy sessions with licensed clinical social workers, such as those offered through ReachLink, can be an invaluable resource on your journey toward developing a more secure attachment style.

What are attachment styles?

While attachment styles largely form during infancy, these patterns continue to influence how we connect with others throughout adulthood. Attachment styles not only affect our close relationships, including friendships and romantic partnerships, but they can also impact our overall emotional well-being. Adult attachment styles can sometimes signal underlying mental health concerns such as anxiety or chronic stress. According to Bowlby’s theory, there are four primary attachment styles.

The four attachment styles and how they manifest in adulthood

Secure attachment style

A secure attachment style is characterized by a positive view of oneself and others, typically promoting healthy relationships. The other three styles are generally considered insecure attachment styles, each exhibiting distinctive traits.

Anxious-ambivalent attachment style

An anxious-ambivalent attachment style—also called simply anxious attachment—typically involves a fear of abandonment and constant seeking of reassurance and approval from others. Individuals with this attachment style may show preoccupied attachment, constantly worrying about their relationships and whether their loved ones will remain present and supportive.

Avoidant attachment style

Individuals with an avoidant or dismissive attachment style often maintain rigid personal boundaries that prevent emotional intimacy. They might suppress their need for connection and maintain emotional distance in relationships.

People with avoidant attachment styles usually hesitate to create deep relationships with others. This attachment style often develops when individuals did not receive sufficient emotional support from their primary caregivers, who may have left them to manage their emotional needs independently.

Disorganized attachment style

Finally, disorganized attachment style tends to be marked by inconsistent and unpredictable behavior, often seen in individuals who may have experienced childhood trauma or abuse. This complexity frequently extends to adult relationships, reflecting a deeply ingrained attachment process that disrupts the ability to form stable connections.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please reach out to a licensed clinical social worker or mental health professional for appropriate resources.

Applying attachment theory to adult relationships

Understanding how a disorganized attachment style develops often involves examining early attachment behaviors and interactions with primary caregivers. Children who develop this attachment style in their early years often carry these patterns into adulthood. As these children mature, disorganized attachments may manifest in romantic relationships as a cycle of desiring closeness but pushing partners away when intimacy increases.

Disorganized attachment is generally characterized by a conflicting desire for closeness and a fear of intimacy. Individuals with this attachment style often feel torn between a need for connection and a fear of being hurt or rejected.

Recognizing a disorganized attachment style

Recognizing the signs of disorganized attachment may help you better understand yourself or your partner. Some of the most common indicators include a strong desire for independence and self-reliance, reluctance to share personal details, and a tendency to avoid commitment or emotional engagement.

People with this attachment style may crave closeness but maintain a negative view of relationships. As a result, they may act conflicted and experience negative emotions that can be confusing, frustrating, and emotionally exhausting for everyone involved in the relationship.

Other possible signs of a disorganized attachment style may include:

• Engaging in turbulent and highly emotional relationships
• Simultaneously desiring romantic connection while harboring fears of potential hurt or abandonment
• Showing a tendency to actively search for flaws in partners or friends or use them as justifications to exit a relationship
• Demonstrating resistance to commitment and intimacy, often maintaining emotional distance
• Experiencing fear related to feelings of inadequacy in partnerships or relationships
• Withdrawing from relationships when they become more intimate or emotionally intense
• Difficulty trusting or relying on others
• Low self-esteem and increased anxiety

If you suspect your partner may have a disorganized attachment style, approaching the topic with sensitivity and empathy can be crucial. By creating a safe space for them to express their fears and insecurities, you may pave the way toward more open conversations about emotions and past experiences.

It’s important to remember that reshaping an unhealthy or insecure attachment style usually takes time and effort from everyone involved. Despite this challenge, it is possible for people with disorganized attachment to develop more secure connections with others.

Managing a disorganized attachment style

Living with and managing a disorganized attachment style can be challenging, but with self-awareness and proactive measures, it’s possible to foster healthier relationships.

Develop self-awareness and learn about attachment theory

First and foremost, developing self-awareness is typically crucial for growth. Educate yourself about disorganized attachment and other attachment styles with the help of a licensed clinical social worker or through reputable resources.

This knowledge may provide valuable insight, potentially promoting methods to manage your attachment style in ways that benefit both yourself and your relationships.

Reflect on your childhood fears and insecurities

Introspection and self-reflection serve as important management strategies. Consider taking time to examine your fears and insecurities and identify any negative patterns or behaviors influenced by your attachment style.

Practice open communication

Trust and open communication are paramount in building healthy relationships. People with disorganized attachment often have difficulty being vulnerable and expressing their needs, so it’s important to practice communicating your fears and insecurities with trusted individuals.

Prioritize self-care

Self-care is also key. Engage in activities that promote self-soothing and emotional well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness practices, hobbies, or seeking help within a support group.

Developing healthy relationships with the help of a therapist

Therapy can be a helpful resource for individuals and couples facing challenges related to disorganized attachment. For example, a licensed clinical social worker may help address underlying problems, such as childhood abuse or other past traumas that contribute to your attachment style. As people with insecure attachment styles may be prone to other mental health challenges, a therapist can provide support for overall mental well-being.

In the case of children with disorganized attachment, therapists can work with families to create a nurturing environment that allows the child to feel secure and supported. Couples therapy can address insecure attachment styles that directly affect a relationship and work toward building a more secure bond.

Telehealth therapy

In many cases, telehealth therapy serves as a convenient and accessible option by eliminating the need for childcare, transportation, and other expenses often associated with face-to-face therapy. ReachLink’s video-based therapy sessions with licensed clinical social workers offer flexibility and evidence-based care comparable to in-person therapy. Telehealth therapy can address a wide variety of mental health concerns, including attachment-related issues.

Takeaway

Understanding disorganized attachment style can be essential for cultivating healthy adult relationships. By recognizing the signs and patterns associated with this insecure attachment style, you can gain insight into your own or your partner’s behavior and work toward developing greater awareness. This may help you foster healthier connections and build more secure attachments. Self-care, introspection, open communication, and telehealth therapy with licensed clinical social workers may all prove helpful as you address challenges associated with your attachment style.