Finding Emotional Support for Better Mental Health

Are You Getting The Emotional Support You Need For Your Mental Health?

You’ve likely heard the term “emotional support” before. Perhaps you’ve even expressed to someone close to you that they weren’t providing enough of it. But do you truly understand what kind of support you need and how to request it effectively? Emotional support significantly impacts mental health and overall wellbeing, yet many people find themselves lacking in this crucial area. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 2021, 6.9% of adults reported that they “rarely or never got the social and emotional support they needed.”

In this article, we’ll explore how to identify your emotional support needs, communicate them effectively, and create reciprocal support systems with those you care about.

Understanding Emotional Support: What It Is and Why It Matters

Emotional support encompasses both verbal and nonverbal expressions of compassion, reassurance, comfort, and encouragement. This support can come from various sources, including family members, friends, partners, colleagues, therapists, support groups, and even pets.

What Emotional Support Looks Like

• Messaging a friend about challenges you’re facing
• Sharing accomplishments with people who care about you
• Having your feelings validated by a licensed clinical social worker
• Receiving comfort through physical touch after a difficult day

When emotional support is present, people typically feel secure, valued, understood, and connected. Research consistently shows that emotional and social support function as protective factors for both physical and mental wellbeing.

Recognizing When Emotional Support Is Missing

If you’re not receiving adequate emotional support, you might notice:

• Increased feelings of anger, frustration, or resentment
• Growing emotional distance from others
• Persistent loneliness
• Doubting whether others care about you
• Becoming overly critical or confrontational
• Neglecting your own needs
• Seeking emotional connections elsewhere
• Decreased physical affection or intimacy
• Struggling with self-esteem or stress management
• Feeling misunderstood by others
• One-sided communication patterns

Individual Differences in Emotional Support Needs

It’s important to recognize that emotional support requirements vary significantly from person to person. Emotional connection challenges can stem from various sources, including trust issues, abandonment fears, misaligned emotional expectations, communication difficulties, or negative past experiences.

Steps to Take When Emotional Support Is Lacking

Remember that no single person—not even a partner or best friend—can meet all your emotional needs. Having a diverse support network and multiple sources of fulfillment is both healthy and necessary. As clinical social worker and relationship expert Dr. Jodee McCaw points out, the “best friend-companion” model for relationships is relatively new. Historically, people relied on broader networks including extended family, friends, and community members for emotional support.

Identifying Your Unique Emotional Needs

According to the “human givens” approach based on theories of human needs, people have several fundamental emotional requirements, including:

• Security: A safe environment free from fear
• Autonomy: The ability to make independent choices
• Attention: Opportunities to both give and receive attention
• Emotional connection: Intimacy and acceptance from others
• Community: Feeling connected to something larger than yourself
• Personal space: Time for reflection and self-care
• Status: Recognition for your contributions
• Achievement: Satisfaction from accomplishing meaningful goals
• Purpose: A sense of meaning and significance

To identify your specific needs, consider asking yourself:

• “What helps me feel safe and secure in relationships?”
• “Which needs am I willing to compromise on, and which are non-negotiable?”
• “What activities and connections give my life meaning?”

These questions can be challenging, especially if your emotional needs weren’t adequately met in childhood.

For immediate needs assessment, try the STOP technique:

• Stop: Pause before reacting.
• Take a step back: Create space to process your feelings through activities like walking, listening to music, or deep breathing.
• Observe: Reflect on why you might be feeling a certain way.
• Proceed mindfully: Consider constructive actions by asking, “What would improve this situation?” or “What choices could lead to better outcomes?”

You can also reflect on relationships where you’ve felt emotionally supported. What specific behaviors made you feel understood, valued, or cared for? Identifying these patterns can help you recognize and communicate your needs more effectively.

Communicating Your Needs Effectively

Once you’ve identified your emotional support needs, try expressing them with statements like:

• “I’ve had a challenging day at work—do you have time to listen while I process it?”
• “I appreciate your advice, but right now I just need someone to hear me out without trying to fix the problem.”
• “When you tell me not to feel upset, I feel dismissed. What would really help is if you could just sit with me and offer a hug while I work through these feelings.”
• “I need a break from discussing this difficult topic. Could we do something enjoyable together to reset?”
• “This upcoming appointment has me feeling anxious. Would you be willing to accompany me for support?”
• “When plans change last minute, I worry about where I stand with you. Could we talk about how to handle schedule changes?”
• “Thank you for taking time to talk through this with me. Having your full attention makes me feel valued and understood.”

When communicating needs, keep these strategies in mind:

• Use “I” statements: Express feelings without judgment (“I feel disappointed when plans change suddenly” rather than “You always cancel on me”)
• Be specific: Instead of asking for “more support,” request exactly what would help (a listening ear, advice, physical comfort, etc.)
• Check understanding: Ask “Does what I’m saying make sense?” to ensure your message is being received as intended

Supporting Others Effectively

Meaningful relationships require reciprocity. While advocating for your own needs, be mindful of how you can support others. Effective support strategies include:

• Active listening: Give undivided attention, avoid interrupting, ask clarifying questions, and summarize what you’ve heard to confirm understanding
• Validation: Acknowledge others’ feelings as legitimate, even when you might not fully understand or agree
• Respecting boundaries: Recognize when someone needs space or a different type of support than what you’re offering
• Checking in: Regularly ask how others are doing and what they might need, rather than waiting for them to ask for support

Creating a Comprehensive Support System

While close relationships are important sources of emotional support, a well-rounded support system might also include:

• Community connections through volunteer work, faith communities, or interest groups
• Professional support from licensed clinical social workers at ReachLink who can provide evidence-based therapeutic approaches

Self-care practices such as mindfulness, journaling, exercise, and engaging in hobbies that replenish your energy and foster emotional resilience

By integrating these varied sources and methods, you can build a robust emotional support network tailored to your needs, promoting sustained mental and emotional health.

Final Thoughts

Emotional support is a vital component of overall wellbeing, yet it is often overlooked or misunderstood. Recognizing your unique emotional needs, communicating them clearly, and cultivating a diverse support system are essential steps toward nurturing your mental health. Remember, it is okay to ask for help and equally important to provide support to others in your life. Building these reciprocal connections fosters deeper relationships and contributes to a more fulfilling, balanced life.

Your emotional wellbeing matters. Prioritize it by seeking out the support you deserve and by offering the same with compassion and understanding. Only then can you truly thrive in your personal and interpersonal journeys.