Understanding Grief: What Healthy Bereavement Looks Like

Healthy bereavement involves oscillating between processing loss emotions and adapting to changed circumstances rather than progressing through fixed stages, with most individuals experiencing gradually diminishing grief intensity over time while evidence-based therapy provides effective support for complicated grief reactions.

Ever wonder if your reactions to loss are "normal"? Grief doesn't follow the neat stages you've heard about, and understanding what healthy bereavement actually looks like can bring relief during one of life's most challenging experiences.

Understanding Grief: What Does Healthy Bereavement Look Like?

Updated February 27th, 2025 by ReachLink Editorial Team

Medically reviewed by ReachLink Clinical Staff

Coming to terms with significant loss—the experience we call grief—is one of life’s most challenging transitions. When you’re navigating the painful territory of bereavement, you may find yourself surprised by your own emotional and behavioral responses. You might wonder how long these feelings will persist, or whether what you’re experiencing is “normal.” Research in grief psychology can offer valuable insights into these questions.

Despite widespread beliefs about grief following orderly, predictable stages, the reality is far more complex. People experience bereavement in remarkably diverse ways. Emotional reactions vary widely, as does the intensity and duration of distress and the timeline for beginning to adapt to loss. Rather than moving through fixed stages, grieving individuals often alternate between confronting their changed circumstances and grappling with the emotional weight of what they’ve lost.

Defining grief: More than sadness

In psychological terms, grief describes the emotional pain and distress that follows a significant personal loss. While most people associate grief with the death of someone close to them, bereavement can also follow experiences like divorce, miscarriage, major relocation, job loss, or the collapse of deeply held hopes for the future.

Though grief manifests differently for each person, research identifies common reactions including:

• Profound sadness
• Shock, disbelief, or mental confusion
• Vivid memories or dreams about the person or circumstances lost
• Emotional numbness or a sense of emptiness
• Heightened anxiety
• Anger or irritability
• Loss of energy, motivation, or capacity for enjoyment
• Relief (particularly after prolonged illness or difficult circumstances)
• Gradual acceptance

Grief isn’t purely emotional—it affects the body as well. Physical manifestations may include headaches, digestive problems, weight changes, and appetite fluctuations. The stress of bereavement can even increase mortality risk, especially for those who’ve lost someone with whom they shared an exceptionally close bond.

Your grief responses may shift dramatically over time, influenced by your personality and factors such as:

• The nature of your relationship with what or whom you’ve lost
• Whether the loss was sudden or anticipated
• Your cultural and social background
• The strength of your support network among friends, family, and community
• Your financial stability and personal resources
• Your spiritual or religious framework, if you have one

Grief and mourning: Internal experience versus external expression

While the internal experience of grief varies between individuals, how we express that grief outwardly—our mourning—is profoundly shaped by culture. People from different geographical regions, ethnic communities, religious traditions, and social backgrounds may demonstrate strikingly different behaviors when mourning.

In some cultural contexts, dramatic public displays of anguish are expected and appropriate responses to death. In others, bereaved individuals are encouraged to maintain composure and restraint in social settings. Cultural mourning traditions encompass diverse elements:

• Structured rituals and ceremonies
• Spontaneous emotional expressions
• Collective storytelling about the deceased
• Community gatherings and celebrations of life
• Periods of quiet reflection or meditation
• Creating art, music, or writing that expresses grief or honors memory
• Temporary withdrawal from social activities

No single way of expressing grief is inherently healthier than another. If your cultural traditions provide meaning, structure, or community connection during bereavement, they may significantly support your grieving process.

Questioning the “stages of grief”

Popular understanding of bereavement often centers on theories describing grief as a sequence of distinct phases. The most famous example is the Kübler-Ross model, which outlines five stages:

• Denial: Refusing to acknowledge or believe the loss has occurred
• Anger: Experiencing rage or assigning blame—to yourself, others who survived, or those offering support
• Bargaining: Engaging in magical thinking or appeals to reverse what’s happened
• Depression: Experiencing intense sadness and struggling with daily functioning
• Acceptance: Finding ways to live with the new reality

Various adaptations of this model extend it to six or seven stages, adding phases like “shock,” “testing,” or “reconstruction.” While these frameworks help some people make sense of their reactions, contemporary research reveals little empirical support for stage-based models. Many people don’t experience all the described stages, and those who do rarely progress through them in linear fashion. Instead, individuals often shift rapidly among feelings of depression, anger, disbelief, and other states.

Important consideration: Expecting grief to follow an orderly progression can create unnecessary distress. For instance, someone who doesn’t experience anger might worry they’re grieving “incorrectly” or are somehow stuck. Conversely, someone who reaches acceptance and believes they’ve completed their grief journey might feel discouraged and confused when waves of sadness return unexpectedly.

A more realistic framework: The dual-process model

An alternative theory with stronger research support than stage models is the dual-process model of grief (DPM). This framework proposes that bereaved individuals navigate two simultaneous adjustment processes. They look backward, processing difficult emotions about their loss. Simultaneously, they look forward, working to adapt to their transformed life circumstances.

The DPM describes grief as oscillation between two types of coping:

• Loss-oriented coping: Directly confronting the loss and associated emotions—sorrow, anxiety, anger, despair. In this mode, you’re wrestling with the painful reality of what’s gone.
• Restoration-oriented coping: Addressing practical challenges of life after loss. Here, the focus shifts from emotional processing to functioning in daily life, finding new sources of meaning and purpose, and gradually rebuilding.

Early in bereavement, people typically spend more time in loss-oriented coping. As weeks and months pass, life’s demands, responsibilities, and opportunities gradually require more attention, shifting the balance toward restoration-oriented coping. Intense grief may still surface periodically, but these episodes generally become less frequent over time.

This oscillation model captures the reality that you might find yourself sobbing over memories one hour and competently managing work responsibilities the next—and both responses are normal parts of healthy grieving.

How long does grief last?

Grief doesn’t have a clear endpoint. Some people continue experiencing feelings of sadness and yearning years or even decades after losing someone important. The awareness of absence may never completely disappear—you might go months without thinking of your loss, then suddenly feel a sharp pang of sorrow triggered by a particular memory or anniversary.

However, many people find that grief’s intensity gradually diminishes. Research from the National Institutes of Health suggests that many bereaved individuals begin experiencing less intense grief reactions after approximately six months, with many returning to their previous level of functioning within one to two years, though this timeline varies considerably depending on circumstances.

The key is that grief typically becomes less consuming over time, even if it never disappears entirely. You learn to carry your loss while still engaging meaningfully with life.

When grief becomes complicated: Understanding prolonged grief disorder

For most people, the acute intensity of grief gradually lessens, allowing them to reengage with life’s activities and relationships. However, if severe grief reactions persist for a year or more and significantly disrupt your ability to fulfill everyday responsibilities, maintain relationships, and pursue personal goals, you may be experiencing prolonged grief disorder (PGD).

This condition involves symptoms such as:

• Intense, persistent emotional pain (profound sadness, anger, bitterness, guilt)
• Ongoing disbelief about the loss
• Avoiding reminders of what or whom you’ve lost
• Severe difficulty engaging in routine activities
• Pervasive feelings of meaninglessness, numbness, or emptiness
• Feeling that you’ve lost a fundamental part of your identity
• Profound detachment or loneliness

PGD symptoms often overlap with other mental health conditions, including depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Complicated grief reactions are more likely following sudden, unexpected, or traumatic losses. Certain coping patterns may also contribute to prolonged difficulties:

• Using substances to avoid painful feelings
• Consistently avoiding thoughts or reminders of the loss
• Excessive self-blame
• Viewing life as fundamentally meaningless
• Withdrawing from social connection
• Ruminating obsessively about the loss

Some of these responses aren’t necessarily unhealthy when brief or balanced with more constructive coping. For instance, if someone dies from an illness, you might naturally feel guilty and wish you’d encouraged them to seek medical care sooner. However, dwelling on this guilt indefinitely can harm your mental health. Healthy grieving involves gradually accepting the limits of your control and releasing self-blame.

Finding support through counseling

While connecting with trusted friends and family provides essential support during bereavement, working with a therapist can be particularly valuable, especially if you’re concerned about prolonged or complicated grief. Research indicates that approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy may effectively address symptoms of prolonged grief disorder.

At ReachLink, our licensed clinical social workers specialize in helping clients navigate grief and loss. Through secure video sessions, you can work with a therapist who understands the complexities of bereavement and can provide evidence-based support tailored to your specific situation.

If locating a mental health provider feels overwhelming—particularly while managing other responsibilities following a loss—telehealth therapy offers significant advantages. ReachLink’s platform allows you to connect with a licensed clinical social worker from your own home, schedule sessions at times that work for your life, and access ongoing support as you navigate your grief journey.

Research increasingly demonstrates the effectiveness of telehealth for grief counseling. A 2021 review of scientific studies found evidence that online grief counseling may significantly improve symptoms of complicated grief, depression, and post-traumatic stress in bereaved individuals.

Moving forward: Key takeaways

Everyone’s grief journey is unique, but certain experiences—shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, guilt—are common threads in the bereavement process. These emotions can initially make everyday functioning difficult, but for most people, their intensity gradually lessens over time.

Understanding that grief doesn’t follow neat stages can relieve pressure to grieve “correctly.” The dual-process model offers a more realistic framework: you’ll likely oscillate between confronting your loss emotionally and adapting practically to your changed circumstances.

If intense, debilitating grief persists beyond a year and significantly impairs your functioning, reaching out for professional support can make a meaningful difference. ReachLink’s licensed clinical social workers are experienced in grief counseling and can provide the specialized support you need during this difficult time.

Remember that seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness or abnormal grief—it’s a practical step toward healing and rebuilding your life while honoring what you’ve lost.

For professional grief support

Connect with a ReachLink licensed clinical social worker specializing in bereavement counseling.

The information on this page is educational and not intended to substitute for diagnosis, treatment, or professional clinical advice. For concerns about your mental health, please consult with a qualified licensed clinical social worker or other mental health professional.

FAQ

• How do I know if my grief is normal or if I need professional help?

  Grief is highly individual, but signs you may benefit from therapy include prolonged inability to function in daily life, persistent feelings of being stuck, intense guilt or anger that doesn't ease over time, or avoiding reminders of your loss for extended periods. If grief is significantly impacting your work, relationships, or self-care after several months, a licensed therapist can help you process these emotions in a healthy way.

• What therapeutic approaches are most effective for grief counseling?

  Several evidence-based approaches can help with grief, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to address unhelpful thought patterns, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to build psychological flexibility, and specialized grief therapies like Worden's Tasks of Mourning. Many therapists also use narrative therapy techniques to help clients reconstruct meaning after loss. The most effective approach depends on your individual needs and how you process emotions.

• Is online grief therapy as effective as in-person sessions?

  Research shows that telehealth therapy can be just as effective as in-person treatment for grief counseling. Online sessions offer the comfort and privacy of your own space, which can be particularly beneficial when processing vulnerable emotions related to loss. Many people find it easier to open up about their grief from a familiar environment, and the convenience of not traveling to appointments can reduce barriers to consistent treatment.

• What should I expect during my first grief counseling session?

  Your first session will typically focus on understanding your unique grief experience, including the nature of your loss, your current symptoms, and how grief is affecting your daily life. Your therapist will ask about your support system, coping strategies you've tried, and your goals for therapy. This is also an opportunity for you to ask questions about the therapeutic process and ensure you feel comfortable with your therapist's approach to grief work.

• How long does grief therapy typically take to be helpful?

  The duration of grief therapy varies greatly depending on factors like the nature of your loss, your personal coping style, and whether you're dealing with complicated grief. Some people find relief in 8-12 sessions, while others benefit from longer-term support. Rather than focusing on a timeline, therapy aims to help you develop healthy coping skills, process difficult emotions, and gradually adapt to life after loss at your own pace.