Understanding Love Languages: Gift-Giving as an Expression of Love

Understanding Your Primary Love Language: Gift Giving in Therapy

Whether with friends, family, or a romantic partner, knowing how you and your loved ones prefer to give and receive love can strengthen your bond and promote healthy relationships. A popular framework for understanding the best ways to show love and appreciation for others is through love languages.

Love languages, established by Dr. Gary Chapman, are five distinct ways people express love and feel loved. They include words of affirmation, acts of service, gift-giving and receiving, quality time, and physical touch. Understanding these languages can help improve your relationships and show others that you care.

Someone with a gift-giving love language might enjoy giving or receiving gifts to feel or make those around them feel special, loved, and appreciated. At ReachLink, our licensed clinical social workers can help you explore your love language preferences and use this knowledge to strengthen your relationships. Let’s take a closer look at the five love languages, with special attention to gift-giving, and how understanding them can benefit your relationships.

The five love languages

Love languages were first introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman and popularized in his 1992 book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.” The book suggests that everyone gives and receives love in different ways, which can be categorized into five general types.

The five love languages established by Chapman include:

• Physical touch
• Acts of service
• Quality time
• Words of affirmation
• Gift-giving

Although love languages are often associated with romantic relationships, they apply equally to friendships and family relationships. Our therapists at ReachLink can help you identify and navigate these languages in all your important relationships.

Physical touch

Someone whose love language is physical touch might feel most loved and appreciated through kissing, hugging, holding hands, or other physical acts of affection. Beyond romantic gestures, any skin-to-skin contact could express this love language, such as a hand on the shoulder or a pat on the back.

Acts of service

The “acts of service” love language often involves performing helpful or thoughtful tasks for your partner, such as preparing a meal, planning a special event, or helping with household chores. Completing tasks without being reminded can be a powerful expression of love for someone with this love language. The essential thought behind these actions is often a desire to make someone else’s life easier or more enjoyable.

Quality time

Quality time as a love language can look different for everyone. For some, it might mean engaging in activities together, such as shared hobbies or outings. For others, it could mean simply being present while watching a movie or enjoying a meal together. Often, quality time involves offering your undivided attention, practicing active listening, and making an effort to be fully present with one another.

Words of affirmation

Someone whose love language is words of affirmation might focus on expressing their affection and appreciation through verbal communication. Similarly, they might feel most appreciated when others express feelings verbally. Common words of affirmation include compliments, expressions of gratitude for specific actions, and saying “I love you.”

The love language of gift-giving

The gift-giving love language involves both giving and receiving gifts. Someone with this primary love language might plan gifts for all their loved ones during special occasions and take pride in being a thoughtful gift-giver. Small gifts or items with sentimental value can make a significant impact, serving as tangible reminders of affection. People with this love language often deeply appreciate the thoughtfulness behind gifts they receive.

Can someone have more than one love language?

Although people often speak of love languages as singular preferences, each expression has its place in a relationship and can evolve over time.

For example, while your primary love language might be gift-giving, you might also strongly value acts of service. Even if physical touch is your least preferred method of giving or receiving affection, you and your partner might still engage in physical affection on occasion. Additionally, as your relationship evolves over time, your or your partner’s primary love language might shift as well.

At ReachLink, our licensed clinical social workers can help you explore the nuances of your love language preferences and how they interact with those of your significant others.

Is it important to understand your partner’s love language?

Love languages are a theoretical framework; not everyone relates to this model or has the same love language preferences. However, understanding how you and your partner give and receive affection may improve communication and relationship satisfaction. By showing love in a way that resonates with your partner, you can express affection in a meaningful and impactful way. Conversely, receiving love in a way that makes you feel valued may increase happiness and stability in your relationship.

A 2022 study examined the love language preferences of 100 couples and monitored how their partners’ responses to those preferences affected their relationship satisfaction.

Research suggests that people who better match their partners’ love language preferences experience higher relationship and sexual life satisfaction. Additionally, individuals whose partners satisfy their love language needs reported better overall relationship quality.

Understanding one another’s languages can also minimize miscommunications. For example, someone who values quality time might feel satisfied by a dinner date where both partners are fully present and engaged, while their partner might not consider the date successful without explicit verbal affirmation.

Showing and receiving affection as a gift-giver

Someone whose primary love language is gift-giving might show their feelings in several ways.

Different ways this affection might manifest

• Enjoying the exchange of gifts during holidays or special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays
• Buying souvenirs for loved ones when traveling
• Paying attention to subtle hints about what their partner mentions, then surprising them with a related gift
• Giving partners, friends, and family members gifts “just because”
• Recognizing and noting their loved ones’ wants and needs
• Personalizing gifts rather than giving generic items
• Buying items that remind them of their loved ones
• Rarely arriving empty-handed

How to show affection to someone with this love language

If you’ve noticed that your partner’s love language involves receiving gifts, our therapists at ReachLink suggest these ways to show affection:

• Bringing them coffee on your way to see them
• Prioritizing thoughtful gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays
• Bringing flowers when they’ve had a difficult day
• Listening to their interests and incorporating them into gifts
• Ordering an item or food they mentioned wanting
• Having lunch delivered from their favorite restaurant
• Picking up their favorite snack while grocery shopping

It’s important to remember that gift-giving doesn’t necessarily require grand gestures or expensive items. Often, the thought behind the gift shows your partner you care, regardless of the gift’s size or cost. When offering a present, communicate that you were thinking about them and want to make them happy, even if it’s a small gesture.

Misconceptions about gift-giving as a primary love language

Despite common misconceptions, someone whose love language is receiving gifts isn’t necessarily materialistic. Often, the value isn’t in the gift itself but in the thought and care behind selecting or creating it. For example, a person might give their partner a book they’ve been talking about or surprise them with tickets to see their favorite musician.

This perspective on gift-giving is supported by research. Studies have shown that offering thoughtful gifts to others can increase your own happiness, with the brain releasing oxytocin, a hormone associated with trust, safety, and connection. When receiving gifts, your brain often responds with increased feelings of appreciation and connection, reinforcing the emotional bond between giver and receiver. This bi-directional exchange of thoughtful giving and receiving helps cultivate trust and intimacy in relationships.

In summary, understanding and embracing the primary love language of gift-giving can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling connections. Whether you identify as a giver, receiver, or both, recognizing the importance of the thought behind gifts can foster stronger emotional ties and enhance communication with your loved ones.

At ReachLink, we encourage you to explore your love languages further—especially gift-giving—and invite you to seek support from our licensed clinical social workers to deepen your understanding of yourself and your relationships. By honoring each other’s unique ways of expressing love, you can create bonds that are not only loving but lasting and resilient.