The Science of Falling in Love: What Happens in Your Brain
The Science Behind How People Fall in Love
What happens to a person’s body and brain when they fall in love? Do people experience just a brief spark? Do different individuals fall in love differently? Or do the similarities in our experiences of love run deeper than we might suspect?
Below, we’re exploring what current research suggests about the human experience of romantic relationships and the fascinating science of falling in love.
Nature, nurture, and neuroscience: The complex process of falling in love
Discussions about romantic love often start from cultural ideas that different people are simply “wired differently” for love. Some may believe there are fundamental structural differences between individuals that explain variations in how people approach and experience romantic relationships.
Contemporary neuroscience research in social psychology suggests that it’s often a mistake to assume that differences in romantic experiences are primarily rooted in biological predispositions. In many cases, societal differences in how people are raised, educated, and treated by their peers may offer better explanations for variations in how individuals fall in love. This nuanced perspective is important to keep in mind as we explore the fascinating journey of falling in love.
Some people may fall in love more quickly than others
Current scientific research supports the idea that some individuals may fall in love more rapidly than others, regardless of demographic factors.
A survey of more than 170 college students suggested that some respondents reported both feeling love and expressing it verbally at earlier stages in their relationships than others. Another poll reported that many people believe in love at first sight, perhaps due to the powerful role of physical attraction and the importance placed on appearance in initial impressions. These findings challenge stereotypical assumptions about who tends to be more romantic in relationships.
The obsessive phase of new love
When someone is in the beginning stages of love, they often find it difficult to keep their partner off their mind.
Research on romance suggests that this obsessiveness is a common and distinctive phase of new relationships as partners build deeper emotional and physical connections. Studies show this appears to involve the brain’s dopamine reward system, the same mechanism responsible for habits and addictions.
Additionally, research has found that people in love can display hormonal patterns similar to those seen in obsessive-compulsive disorder, with serotonin levels changing significantly. This biological basis helps explain why new love can feel so all-consuming, regardless of who you are.
The euphoria of falling in love
A person who’s falling in love might feel happier, more energetic, and more confident. Part of this may be linked to the activation of the reward system discussed above. When you’re craving another person, every interaction with them can promote feelings of intense joy and nostalgia. This can translate into an elevated mood overall for someone in love, especially if they’re spending significant time with the person they’re falling for, contributing to chemistry, intimacy, and strong emotional connection.
This happy state may also make people feel more adventurous. Some researchers believe that love can expand your sense of self, possibly helping your personal identity become more complex. The confidence and happiness a person gets from a flourishing romance may make them more open to trying new things and adopting new interests. These positive emotions represent a wonderful aspect of healthy relationships.
The desire for reciprocal responses
Many people enjoy provoking signs of affection such as a smile or laugh from the person they’re falling for. A 2015 study examined this pattern, analyzing how much participants tried to make their potential partners laugh. The researchers found that a person’s level of interest in dating strongly predicted how hard they’d try to be funny. Many people consider a sense of humor one of the most attractive traits in a potential partner.
This may be part of a larger need that people experience as they look for visible signs of affection from their partners through actions or body language. A partner’s laughter may provide much-needed emotional validation as feelings develop. Conversely, a lack of responsive cues may create confusion about the other person’s feelings, potentially leading to diminished interest.
Hormonal changes can soften behavior
The initial sexual attraction that often sparks romance is frequently influenced by testosterone, a hormone that plays an important role in behaviors like sexual desire, assertiveness, and impulsivity. However, research shows that testosterone levels can decrease noticeably in the context of falling in love. This might explain why many people begin to show their softer sides when they develop strong feelings for someone. In healthy relationships, individuals often feel they can express their authentic selves, rather than playing mind games or focusing solely on physical connection.
From passion to compassion: The evolution of love
Much of what we’ve discussed relates to the beginning stages of romantic relationships, which are often marked by an intense, obsessive desire for the other person. Research suggests that this urgency may decrease as the relationship matures, with feelings of empathy, trust, and attachment increasing over time. This longer-term love may be modulated in large part by oxytocin, which appears to have powerful pair-bonding effects in mammals. When people fall in love in adult relationships, they generally develop deeper feelings of compassion for each other, resulting in supportive actions like offering to help with tasks or responsibilities.
This process seems to work largely the same for most people, regardless of background or identity. It may be marked by a greater ability to see things from a partner’s perspective and anticipate their needs. However, more research is needed to validate and support the experiences of diverse populations.
Looking past flaws: The rose-colored glasses of love
In loving relationships, people tend to see the best in their partners — sometimes viewing the other person more positively than they view themselves. Many studies have noted that people with deep romantic feelings hold idealized images of their partners and find them physically attractive. This phenomenon appears consistent across different demographics.
This doesn’t necessarily mean putting your partner on a pedestal or believing they’re perfect. However, it often means finding the most favorable interpretation of the other person’s characteristics. Someone who’s fallen in love might forgive their partner’s shortcomings and perhaps even be charmed by traits that would normally irritate them in others.
How can telehealth counseling support your romantic relationship?
It’s worth remembering that the information presented above may not apply equally to everyone. Research can tell us about broad patterns in the ways people fall in love, but each person’s experience will be unique. If you’re feeling confused about what love means to you or your partner, discussing it with a therapist might help. Having a neutral, professional perspective on your relationship can often help both parties understand each other better.
Many couples now prefer telehealth counseling over traditional in-person therapy. Conducting sessions online means you can talk to your counselor from the comfort of your own home. This may improve your comfort with the process and make it easier to express yourself honestly. It also simplifies scheduling coordination between yourself, your partner, and your therapist.
Most couples who participated in a 2020 study on telehealth counseling reported that the experience was helpful and positive. Many found that the online format made it easier for them to become “fully immersed in the therapeutic process,” and the majority said they were able to “effectively connect with their therapist.”
ReachLink’s telehealth therapy platform connects you with licensed relationship counselors who can help you understand and improve your relationship dynamics from anywhere, at times that work for your schedule.
Takeaway
Love follows similar patterns for most people, regardless of background. The early stages typically involve infatuation with someone, which can slowly deepen into trust, compassion, and attachment. People often fall in love quickly and feel a strong need for affection and validation from their partners.
If you’re seeking a better understanding of how love is affecting you or your partner, ReachLink’s professional counselors are ready to support your journey toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship through couples therapy or individual counseling. Whether you’re navigating the excitement of new love or facing challenges in a long-term partnership, professional support can provide valuable tools and insights that foster growth and understanding.
Ultimately, the science behind falling in love reveals that while many biological and psychological processes are shared universally, the experience of love remains deeply personal and multifaceted. Recognizing these patterns can empower individuals and couples to approach their relationships with greater empathy and awareness, enhancing connection and resilience over time.
Embracing the journey of love means appreciating both the intense early emotions and the rich, evolving bond that follows. By understanding the science, we gain a deeper respect for love’s complexity and the remarkable ways it shapes our lives.
