Setting Boundaries: Essential for Mental Health & Wellbeing

Setting boundaries protects mental health by establishing clear limits for your emotions, time, physical space, and belongings, which reduces stress, prevents emotional exhaustion, and creates healthier relationships through improved communication and self-respect.

Ever feel stretched too thin, saying yes when you mean no? Setting boundaries isn't selfish—it's essential for protecting your mental health and creating healthier relationships that actually last.

The Importance Of Setting Boundaries For Your Mental Health & Safety

Setting and communicating boundaries can benefit you and your relationships. Healthy boundaries can also offer a sense of control over your emotional and physical space and time. By learning how to set and maintain boundaries, you can develop independence and engage in healthy, positive connections with others.

Types of important boundaries to set

Boundaries are limits (think of an invisible line) you set for what’s acceptable for your body, emotions, time, and belongings, in order to form healthy relationships. They are not rules about how someone else “should” act or conduct their life. Boundaries help someone establish their needs, and put them first, instead of leaving them on the back burner in order to please others. For example, the following are a few common boundaries:

• Saying “no” to hanging out with friends
• Refusing to converse until someone stops yelling
• Asking for your computer back after you let someone borrow it
• Ending an unhealthy relationship
• Choosing not to participate in an activity for spiritual reasons

Below are seven types of boundaries that you might encounter in daily life.

Emotional boundaries

Emotional boundaries can help you preserve and safeguard your feelings. They may involve deciding what discreet information you feel comfortable discussing. If there are subjects you don’t feel comfortable discussing, let someone else know that you’re not open to discussing them. “I’m not comfortable discussing that” is a complete sentence; you don’t have to explain yourself to set a boundary.

Material boundaries

Material boundaries involve physical belongings, space, or money. You may or may not feel comfortable taking up particular objects you own or lending someone money. You might also have boundaries about how others interact with your living space or workspace. For example, perhaps you want people to take off their shoes when they enter your home or not touch your computer. These are material boundaries.

Intellectual boundaries

Intellectual boundaries relate to thoughts, beliefs, and ideas. For instance, you may have boundaries about what you feel comfortable discussing regarding topics like politics or religion, or you may want to set boundaries if your views aren’t respected or are dismissed.

Physical boundaries

Physical boundaries may involve how you feel about your body or own space and how others interact with it. For instance, you may not feel comfortable hugging everyone or standing too close to someone when you’re talking.

Sexual boundaries

Sexual boundaries include your comfort and consent with sexual touching or communicating about sexual topics. Educating yourself on consent can be essential when setting sexual boundaries. A sexual boundary might look like the following:

• “I’m not ready for you to touch me there.”
• “I don’t want to have sex.”
• “No.”
• The absence of “yes” and enthusiasm
• “I’m waiting to have sex until I feel ready.”
• “Do not kiss me.”
• “I don’t like you like that.”

Respecting sexual boundaries is crucial, as not doing so can be a form of sexual assault.

If you are experiencing sexual abuse or have experienced assault, note that the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) has a hotline dedicated to supporting individuals experiencing sexual assault, harassment, or intimate partner violence. You can contact them anytime by calling 800-656-HOPE (4673) or using the online chat.

Time boundaries

Time boundaries are associated with how you spend your time. Consider whether the activities you spend your time doing align with your values. For instance, you might value boundaries to establish a healthy work-life balance to avoid burnout, prioritize time with family members, or guards time for sleep, exercise, healthy habits, or self-care. Setting time boundaries might mean saying no to an extra shift at work or making it clear to your team members that you’ll only be available during certain times. One study shows that people with undefined work-life boundaries experience decreased happiness due to emotional exhaustion.

Relationship boundaries

Relationship boundaries are related to your connections with others. Relationship boundaries may encompass other boundaries, including physical, emotional, sexual, and time boundaries. In a relationship, your boundaries might differ from your partner’s. However, if your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, you may benefit from seeking support from a licensed clinical social worker through telehealth services.

10 benefits of establishing healthy boundaries

Respect is one aspect of life that many feel should be given and received equally. To create a healthy relationship, it’s often important to set healthy boundaries that both parties respect. Personal boundaries may benefit both personal and professional aspects of life, including relationships. The importance of setting boundaries in relationships is evident for many people, as it helps to establish mutual respect and understanding between partners.

The importance of setting boundaries online

With the rise of social media, it may be more helpful than ever to set healthy boundaries to maintain a healthy balance between online and offline interactions. By setting healthy boundaries, individuals can ensure that their personal life isn’t affected by the constant stream of information on social media to improve their ability to maintain a healthy relationship with themselves and others.

Before we take a deeper look at how to set health boundaries, let’s look at ten of the benefits of healthy boundaries for yourself and your relationships below.

1. Protecting emotional space

If you set emotional boundaries, you may find you’re better able to protect your emotional well-being. For instance, you might draw the line at how others talk to you or treat you if you find your feelings or sense of safety are affected. Setting emotional boundaries can be an act of self-preservation and may help you increase your feelings of self-respect and self-compassion.

2. Protecting physical space

Physical boundaries can apply to many areas of life. Boundaries for non-sexual physical closeness and sexual relationships can help you safeguard your comfort about physical contact and your physical safety. You might also want to set boundaries regarding your physical possessions and the spaces where you live or work. These boundaries can help you care for what you have and where and how you healthily spend your time.

3. Separating your thoughts, feelings, and needs from those of others

Helping others can be generous and gratifying. However, when you absorb the emotions of others or become so caught up in trying to meet their needs that you ignore your own, you may feel drained. Setting healthy boundaries that define what you can and can’t take on can benefit your well-being.

4. Not feeling responsible for the happiness of others

You may feel tuned into the feelings of those around you, which can indicate empathy and kindness. However, attempting to control others’ emotions or be responsible for their happiness might be unhealthy. Setting boundaries may show you that you’re not responsible for how others control. It can help release you from any guilt that comes from feeling you’re obligated to fulfill the needs of others.

5. Enriching your relationships

If you set healthy boundaries in a relationship, you may find you can free yourself of resentment and insecurity. When you feel strong, safe, and independent, you may be able to form healthier attachments and find happier connections with others.

6. Protecting your valuable time

Time is something you can’t get back. By setting boundaries, you may find you can safeguard your time so that you have more to spend on what you value, tasks you need to complete, and the people you love.

7. Having a strong sense of identity

Without boundaries, you may find you lose your sense of self. For instance, you might be so busy trying to help others, please others, or meet others’ needs that your own identity, goals, or needs are compromised. Setting boundaries can help you find yourself and be true to yourself.

8. Making your needs as important as others

You can help others and be loyal without neglecting your own needs. The airline safety saying goes, “Get your oxygen mask first before assisting others.” Strengthen yourself and meet your needs before assisting those you love to ensure you have the energy to do so.

9. Preventing future conflicts

You may proactively prevent future conflicts when you establish boundaries, adhere to them, and respectfully communicate them to others. Instead of letting resentment come to a boiling point, you may be able to avoid it entirely by having boundaries in place upfront.

10. Developing independence

With boundaries, you can strengthen your sense of independence. You may have strong connections with others but separate yourself from unhealthy enmeshments. You may feel more self-confident, resilient, and in control over who you are and want to be.

How to set healthy boundaries

There are a few ways to start setting healthier boundaries in your life, including the following.

Evaluate your current boundaries before setting boundaries

The first step in setting healthy boundaries is to take stock of what boundaries you currently have in place, what’s working, and where you think you might need more boundaries. They may be areas where you feel resentment, discomfort, or confusion. If there’s a relationship you have that has been unhealthy due to a lack of boundaries, you might consider beginning to set limits there.

Consider how you feel & reflect on your mental health

Reflection and a certain level of self-awareness are necessary for someone to understand their boundaries. Consider how you feel when you’re around certain people or in certain circumstances. If you feel resentful, sad, exhausted, guilty, or taken advantage of after interactions with particular people, you may want to brainstorm how and what boundaries could help you prevent these feelings in the future. Note that ending a relationship can be a boundary.

Communicate boundaries

Let the other individual know your boundaries, but keep explanations simple and focused on you. You might try using “I” statements. For instance, you could say, “I feel maxed out, so I can’t get together,” or “I feel exhausted at the end of the day, so I can’t text late at night.” You also don’t have to explain why you are setting a boundary if you don’t want to discuss it. “No,” is a complete sentence.

Learn to say “no”

Saying no can feel uncomfortable initially, but it can become more available and empowering with practice. In addition to saying “No,” you can try a few variations. For example, you might say, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t take that on right now,” or “I have another commitment,” or “That’s not going to work for me.”

Avoid assuming boundaries before establishing them

At times, people may not honor your boundaries because they’re unaware of them. They may not know how you feel about a particular issue. When in doubt, try letting them know respectfully what you need. If they continue to avoid your boundaries, let them know the consequences. For example, if you ask someone to stop yelling at you when they are escalated, and they continue to do so, you might end the relationship.

Telehealth counseling options

Boundaries can sometimes be challenging to define, or people may not respect them. In these cases, a licensed clinical social worker can offer tools and individualized guidance for establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. If you haven’t considered counseling due to cost, availability, or concerns with in-person options, you can also consider telehealth therapy.

Through ReachLink’s secure telehealth platform, you can connect with a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in helping clients establish healthy boundaries. In therapy, you can learn effective ways to set boundaries, strengthen relationships, and develop positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. ReachLink offers convenient video sessions that fit into your schedule, along with helpful resources from your therapist to support your progress between sessions.

Studies have also backed up the effectiveness of telehealth interventions. One study found that couples preferred online therapy in video format to in-person options and felt they were better able to connect with their therapist online. They also achieved effective results for months after therapy had ended.

Takeaway

Setting boundaries often involves setting rules for yourself, your time, and your belongings. Consider learning how to say no, practicing self-respect exercises, and learning to set limits on your time. These are a few techniques for beginning to understand boundaries in more depth. You can also reach out to a licensed clinical social worker through ReachLink’s telehealth platform to learn more and receive personalized guidance on establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in all areas of your life.

FAQ

• What are healthy boundaries and why are they crucial for mental health?

  Healthy boundaries are clear limits you set around your time, energy, emotions, and physical space. They protect your mental health by preventing burnout, reducing resentment, and helping you maintain your sense of self in relationships. Boundaries create emotional safety and allow for authentic connections with others.

• How can therapy help me learn to set better boundaries?

  Therapy provides a safe space to explore your relationship patterns and identify where boundaries may be lacking. Therapists use techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to help you recognize your needs, practice assertive communication, and develop the confidence to maintain healthy limits.

• What are common signs that I struggle with boundary setting?

  Signs include feeling constantly overwhelmed or drained, difficulty saying no, guilt when prioritizing your needs, taking on others' emotions or problems as your own, and feeling resentful in relationships. You might also notice people-pleasing behaviors or fear of conflict when asserting your needs.

• What therapeutic approaches are most effective for boundary issues?

  Several evidence-based approaches work well for boundary issues, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to change thought patterns, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for emotional regulation skills, and family therapy to address relationship dynamics. Talk therapy also helps explore underlying beliefs about self-worth and relationships.

• How do I start practicing boundary setting in my daily relationships?

  Start small by identifying one area where you need boundaries, then practice clear, direct communication about your limits. Use "I" statements, be consistent with your boundaries, and expect some pushback initially. Remember that setting boundaries is a skill that improves with practice and may feel uncomfortable at first.