Moving In Together: Is Cohabitation Right for You?

Moving In Together: Is Cohabitation Right for Your Relationship?

For many people, relationships progress through a series of milestones. Typically, individuals meet, get to know each other, begin dating officially, and then experience various relationship landmarks. These milestones might include exchanging “I love you,” introducing each other to family members, celebrating anniversaries, getting engaged, moving in together, and marriage.

While these steps can occur in any order—or some might not happen at all—many believe cohabitation should follow engagement or marriage. However, research shows that cohabitation has become increasingly common, with more adults having lived with a partner than having been married, according to Pew Research Center analysis. So what impact does living together have on relationships, and is it the right choice for you? The answer will likely vary for each couple.

Understanding Cohabitation

For some couples, moving in together represents a profound and meaningful step forward. In fact, about two-thirds of married adults view cohabitation as a step toward marriage. For others, practical considerations drive the decision. Whether you live in a metropolitan area or a smaller community, maintaining your own residence can be financially challenging as housing costs continue to rise. Between student loans or credit card debt and everyday expenses, living independently may strain your finances. Recent graduates might stay with parents when possible to reduce living expenses. Dating couples often discuss sharing rent or jointly purchasing a home when it makes financial sense.

While roommates can help address financial concerns, many prefer sharing a home with someone they care about rather than a stranger.

The Reality of Premarital Cohabitation

Though living with a partner before marriage (premarital cohabitation) can be both practical and enjoyable, it’s not without potential complications. If you sign a lease with someone and later break up, you might find yourself sharing a one-bedroom apartment until the lease expires. These practical considerations deserve careful thought before making your decision.

A Life-Changing Transition

Whether your motivation for cohabitation is relationship progression or financial practicality, this change brings both opportunities and challenges.

Previously, you may have spent time with your partner engaging in mutual interests, socializing with friends, or simply enjoying each other’s company. After these interactions, you each returned to your separate spaces, even if you occasionally stayed together for several days. When you live together, seeing each other becomes less optional and more constant.

Cohabiting couples often discover new aspects of their partner’s habits around cleaning, cooking, and personal grooming. You might also realize you have habits your partner finds challenging, like using their personal items or leaving your belongings in shared spaces. Negotiating the division of household responsibilities becomes necessary. For many, this level of transparency feels uncomfortable initially.

Before living together, you could retreat to your own space during conflicts. Cohabitation means facing issues head-on within shared living quarters. This reality prompts some couples to choose two-bedroom arrangements, providing personal space when needed.

It’s also important to understand that unmarried couples typically don’t have the same legal protections as married ones, particularly regarding asset division. Without marriage, you generally won’t have the same safeguards as someone going through divorce proceedings.

Should We Share a Home Before Marriage?

Whether to live with your significant other before marriage remains a personal choice. Not everyone chooses to wait, and family members might disapprove of your decision. Some religious and cultural traditions discourage cohabitation or sharing a bed before marriage. Your family might also express concerns about specific aspects of your partner, such as their educational background or certain behaviors.

Potential Benefits of Premarital Cohabitation

For those who decide to take this step, several advantages may emerge. Financial considerations often influence couples’ decisions. Shared living expenses typically reduce individual costs, potentially allowing couples to save for future home ownership. When applying for a mortgage, having two incomes can simplify the process. If one partner has credit challenges, the other may be able to co-sign for loans.

Research on Cohabitation

Several peer-reviewed studies have examined how living together before marriage affects emotional well-being and relationship quality.

Research on Emotional Well-being

One study by Sara Mernitz and Claire Kamp Dush published in the Journal of Psychology investigated changes in emotional distress across various relationship transitions. These transitions included moving in together, marrying without prior cohabitation, and marrying after living together.

The research focused on young adults in their twenties in the United States and found:

• “Entrance into first cohabiting unions and direct marriages, and all second unions were significantly associated with reduced emotional distress.”
• “Gender differences were found for first unions only; for men, only direct marriage was associated with an emotional health benefit, while both direct marriage and cohabitation benefited women’s emotional health.”
• “Transitioning into marriage from a first, current cohabitation was not associated with a change in emotional distress; these results held for second unions in that transitioning into marriage with a second, current cohabiting partner was also not associated with a change in emotional distress.”

The study indicated that cohabitation generally contributed to emotional well-being. However, it only examined two-year periods and focused exclusively on couples in their twenties, limiting insights into long-term effects across diverse age groups.

Research on Relationship Quality

Another study in the same journal presented findings on relationship satisfaction and quality over time following cohabitation. It revealed that:

• Dedication to one’s partner increases before moving in together but plateaus after the transition.
• Various constraint factors that make breakups less likely regardless of partners’ dedication showed significant increases upon cohabitation and then began growing more rapidly.
• Conflict increases and continues to climb steadily after moving in together.
• Sexual frequency increases modestly after cohabitation but then steadily declines, eventually falling below pre-cohabitation levels.

These findings suggest that unmarried cohabiting couples may be unprepared for long-term commitment and might struggle with conflict resolution. In some instances, unmarried couples may be less equipped to handle these situations than married couples.

Therapy for Making Cohabitation Decisions

While abundant relationship advice exists online, quality and accuracy vary considerably. When seeking online information, critically evaluate its credibility. Often, consulting a professional with relevant education and experience, such as a couples counselor or therapist, provides more reliable guidance.

How Therapy Can Help

A qualified therapist can help you determine whether living with your current partner serves your best interests. They can facilitate creating a pros and cons list for your situation and develop strategies for addressing potential conflicts and challenges.

Effectiveness of Virtual Therapy

Given busy schedules, many couples opt for virtual therapy, which offers flexible appointment times. You can typically choose between video, phone, or messaging sessions based on your preferences. Research demonstrates that virtual therapy delivers results comparable to traditional in-person sessions.

If you’re interested in exploring this option, ReachLink offers personalized matching with qualified therapists who specialize in relationship counseling. Our platform connects you with professionals experienced in helping couples navigate important relationship transitions like cohabitation.

Final Thoughts

Many couples choose to live together before marriage. While this transition brings both relationship and lifestyle changes, most find the benefits outweigh the challenges. If you’re uncertain about this decision or want professional guidance, consider connecting with a licensed therapist who can provide personalized support for your specific situation.