Note: Trigger Warning: Kindly note that the forthcoming article may delve into subjects related to trauma such as abuse which could potentially be triggering to some readers. In case you find yourself exposed to or a witness to any form of abuse, you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They offer support round the clock. Dial 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or send the text "START" to 88788. You also have the option to access the online chat . Domestic violence (DV) is a common yet potentially fatal issue, but it can be complicated to comprehend. Victims may undergo gaslighting , which diminishes their capacity to recognize their circumstances. From the outside, the affected relationship might appear to be healthy. Since domestic abuse mostly happens in private, recognizing the red flags can assist the victims and their loved ones in recognizing the dangers involved. In cases of domestic violence, a dominant partner persistently exhibits actions that grant them dominance or authority over the other party. These actions can range from physical or sexual abuse, regulation of financial resources, verbal intimidation, pressure, exploitation of children, or parental rights, and emotional maltreatment. Any individual can be a target of abuse, regardless of their race, age, gender, sexual orientation, educational background, or financial standing. Abuse patterns can also be carried out by anyone. As per the National Domestic Violence Hotline , on average, 24 individuals a minute in the US are subjected to some form of abuse, such as rape, physical violence, or harassment by a close partner. Identifying abuse is a crucial first step towards seeking assistance. With acknowledgment often comes the prevention of further abuse. It is essential for everyone to understand these risks as anyone can stand the chance of knowing someone who's been a victim of abuse or experiencing it first-hand. Why do people abuse? Although Domestic Violence (DV) is often equated with Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), the latter specifically refers to harm inflicted between persons in an intimate relationship. The term DV is mainly used in this context to depict violence between any two individuals, however, you can use any term based on your personal circumstances. Those who display harmful behavior might originate from households or surroundings that are characterized by aggression and abuse. Since abusive actions are usually ingrained from early experiences, a child who frequently observes others perpetrating harm upon their partners or loved ones is more likely to emulate such conduct in adulthood. Despite the fact that individuals have no control over the type of family they are born into, they have the power to put an end to this circle of abuse. When a person abuses their partner, they often aim to establish dominance or control. The abusive person might believe that their emotions and demands should always supersede those of the other person in the relationship, or they could derive a sense of authority from inflicting harm on a loved one during heated moments. Regardless of the incentive behind such actions, abuse of any form is inexcusable. Everyone has the right to a healthy, courteous, and affectionate relationship where each individual involved has independent control Why do victims stay? An outsider looking in at a toxic relationship may question why the victim doesn't just leave the abuser. However, the intricate and hazardous nature of such relationships might be difficult to fully comprehend from the outside, with the victim being subject to manipulation, damage, or gaslighting often unnoticed by others. Abusers seek to assert dominance and control, making it difficult and even risky for the survivor to exit the relationship. Here are some prevalent factors that hinder individuals from exiting relationships characterized by abuse or other forms of domestic violence: Resource scarcity: The victim may rely on their abusive partner for essentials like housing, money, food, or other basic necessities. Fear: One could fear the potential consequences of exiting the relationship, such as stalking, harassment at work, and physical violence. Stigma: Many instances of domestic violence occur privately, and this secrecy may only be broken when the victim departs the relationship, leading to feelings of shame and self-blame. Children's welfare: Some individuals may refrain from leaving due to children they share with the abusive partner, not wanting to shatter their family unit or sever their children's bond with the abusive parent. Disability: Sometimes, the victim in an abusive relationship may have a disability making them dependent on their partner for assistance. Individuals may also be juggling issues related to immigration status, mental health disorders, among other difficulties that exacerbate their experience of domestic violence (DV). Without external assistance and a definitive safety strategy , individuals may remain in prolonged abusive relationships. It is of utmost importance to identify the occurrence of domestic violence. By identifying several red flags, we might be able to stop the vicious cycle of DV and maintain wholesome, reciprocally beneficial relationships. Indicators of Abuse These are some standard indicators you or a loved one could be experiencing abuse. Overbearing jealousy In a well-balanced relationship, occasional flashes of envy or harmless banter about such feelings might occur. However, if someone relentlessly contacts another, either through calls, texts, or unexpected visits, it might raise eyebrows. Other indications of envy include: Demanding awareness of the other partner's whereabouts An abundance of phone calls or text messages Insisting on periodic "check-ins" from the other partner Blocking the other from attending work, social events, gatherings, or friend catch-ups due to infidelity fears Jealousy can manifest in myriad ways. Individuals exhibiting abusive behavior can display ownership tendencies and keep constant tabs on their partners when geographically separated. They could also express envy over their partner's family, friends, or even pets. Separation from beloved ones An oppressive partner might forbid the other party from interacting with friends, family members, colleagues, or others, resulting in psychological seclusion . This isolation escalates the control and dominance the oppressive partner has over their companion. Particularly, in the digital age, these individuals may strive to extend their partner's isolation using online platforms. By regulating or restricting their mate's social media usage and email, and possibly employing GPS tracking tools or surveillance software to limit their associate's connections and keep tabs on their movements. Financial manipulation An abusive partner may choose to dominate and regulate all financial aspects forbidding any conversations about it, hence intensifying the dependency of their partner, and possibly deterring them from departing from the relationship. Economic abuse could manifest itself in several ways. For instance, the person may obstruct their partner from being employed, threaten to demolish valuable belongings or assets, forcefully take money from them, or withhold financial support for essential expenses. Aggression and coercive behavior Domestic Violence is typified by menacing promises, actual violent acts, and manipulative strategies carried out by the abuser, which could include threatening gestures or exhibiting weapons such as a firearm, blade, bat, spray, or other harmful objects. These threats are often paired with physical and verbal aggression, such as negative comments about the partner's looks, character, or other derogatory comments. Strict traditional roles in relationships An individual who is abusive might adhere to outdated views about how individuals of particular genders should act within a relationship. They often demand that their partner conform to roles such as serving them, staying at home, and obeying them, while framing these behaviors as a matter of "religion" or "duty". Despite the fact that these misconceptions frequently occur in heterosexual relationships, domestic violence is not exclusive and can happen in any relationship, regardless of the partners' gender identities or sexual preferences. Mistreatment of children and animals An individual who is known to mistreat others might have a past of inflicting extreme punishment, harm or even death to animals . They might also burden children with tasks and chores that are inappropriate for their developmental stages, taunt them, or otherwise subject them to abuse. Every relationship is distinct, and detecting warning signs of abuse can be challenging for those outside the relationship. Some signs of abuse may gradually appear over time, while others may be immediately noticeable. For example, the individual may deliberately embarrass their partner publicly or pester them at their workplace. In the end, domestic violence (DV) is characterized by a series of toxic behaviors. If any of these indicators persist over a prolonged time, you should consider reaching out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for further assistance. Actions to take if you suspect someone is a victim of Domestic Violence It's crucial to know how to react appropriately if you think someone around you such as a friend, family member, or colleague is a victim of domestic violence. There are measures you can put in place to assist the individual in a proactive, safe manner, remembering safety is the first priority for both parties involved. If at any point, you feel endangered while offering support, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for further guidance. Make your presence known Before reaching out to someone, ensure they are in a secure situation to converse. Some abusive individuals might use digital tools to track their partner's actions and conversations. Hence, it may not be safe to directly ask if they are experiencing abuse. Try finding a secure environment where the abuser isn't present before initiating such conversations. Make your intentions clear, precise, and cautious. You might say, "I'm concerned that someone may be causing you harm," and observe how the dialogue unfolds. Unless the person themselves categorizes their situation as "abuse," refrain from defining their experience until you gather more details about their plight, their worries, and the terminologies they use to explain their circumstances. Bear in mind that some individuals might attempt to hide the abuse due to fear. If they seem afraid during your conversation, assure them you're there to provide assistance with resources when they feel ready. Provide support options Being a certified professional or having special training to tackle domestic violence might not be in your skill set. Nevertheless, you can point out certain local and regional support systems to someone dealing with abuse. Apart from the National Domestic Violence Hotline, search for help avenues at their school, office, city, or community center. Propose a security strategy A security strategy is a series of steps that can reduce an individual's chances of being harmed by their partner. The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides a user-friendly tool to craft your own strategy. If you're worried about someone, this resource can be shared with them, allowing you to establish your special "code words" or sub-strategies for their protection. Should circumstances intensify, inform them that they can communicate with you using a coded word or sentence. For instance, "I'm cooking soup for tea", could serve as a discreet hint without alerting the abusive partner. You can devise a response code word to inquire if they want you to contact the police or provide any other forms of assistance. Develop a strategy that is suitable for your specific situation. Get Professional Assistance Being a witness or a victim of domestic violence, or even aiding someone in such circumstances, can severely impact your mental health. Seeking help from a professional can provide expert perspective, promote safety and enhance mental wellness. If you or someone you are aware of is dealing with a harmful relationship, turning to an online therapy platform may provide significant benefits. Through a digital therapy platform like ReachLink, one can get matched with a licensed, professional therapist in a secure environment. Scheduling sessions can be done according to personal convenience, childcare responsibilities, or any other issues that may ordinarily hinder traditional therapy access. Several studies indicate that online therapy achieves similar effective results as in-person counseling for many individuals. For example, a 2022 study revealed that online therapy can be equally effective as in-person counseling for those coping with abuse or domestic violence. It further highlighted that online therapy minimizes logistical issues and offers a protective avenue for individuals with disabilities or health issues. What it’s all about… Everyone has the right to a wholesome, reciprocally beneficial, and affectionate connection. Acknowledging the signs of domestic violence could be the crucial first step in preventing it if you, or someone you know, are suffering from it. Keep an eye out for the aforementioned warning signs, protect your friends and family, and react promptly and securely. The National Domestic Violence Hotline and qualified therapists are available for advice from experts in the field.