Breaking Free: Setting Boundaries for Mental Health

Breaking Free: How to End Contact with Someone Who’s Harming Your Mental Health

For many people, ending communication with someone who negatively impacts their wellbeing can be incredibly challenging. Whether it’s a close relationship, a family member, or a long-time friend, you might care deeply about this person despite their harmful effect on you. While all relationships experience occasional disagreements, sometimes the healthiest choice for your long-term wellbeing is to end contact with someone whose presence in your life has become toxic.

Once you’ve decided to stop communicating with someone, consider the process of establishing clear boundaries. Setting boundaries is a fundamental component of maintaining mental stability and emotional health. Research shows that unhealthy relationships can significantly impact your physical health, with increased stress potentially leading to higher risks of cardiovascular disease and overall poor health. Learning effective strategies to end relationships that no longer serve your wellbeing allows you to honor your needs and create space for healthier connections in the future. Working with a licensed clinical social worker through ReachLink can provide valuable support as you navigate this challenging process.

Communicating the End of a Relationship

All types of relationships—romantic partnerships, friendships, and family connections—can come to an end. However, it’s important to recognize that ending a relationship rarely unfolds in a neat, easy, or pleasant manner. Effective communication is essential both for maintaining healthy relationships and for ending connections that have become harmful. Understanding your personal communication style can empower you to express yourself clearly and help you end relationships on your own terms when necessary.

Understanding Communication Styles

The three primary communication styles are passive, aggressive, and assertive. Most people incorporate elements of all three styles when expressing themselves and interacting with others.

Common traits of passive communicators include:

• Prioritizing others’ needs above their own
• Speaking softly or quietly
• Difficulty expressing personal needs and desires
• Vulnerability to suggestion or manipulation
• Lack of confidence
• Low self-esteem
• Poor eye contact

Common traits of aggressive communicators include:

• Using criticism, dominance, and humiliation to control interactions
• Speaking loudly or in an overbearing manner
• Becoming easily frustrated
• Showing disrespect toward others
• Refusing to listen or frequently interrupting
• Unwillingness to compromise or negotiate

Common traits of assertive communicators include:

• Self-advocacy (using direct language to express needs, feelings, and beliefs)
• Listening without interruption during conversations
• Standing up for personal or others’ rights and beliefs
• Speaking with a confident tone
• Willingness to compromise and negotiate

While your communication approach may vary depending on the situation or the people involved, it’s helpful to understand your predominant style. Research indicates that assertiveness is the healthiest and most effective communication style in social interactions.

If you identify more with passive or aggressive traits, consider how you might shift toward more assertive communication. Developing assertiveness takes time and practice, but anyone can learn healthier communication patterns. These skills will also benefit your interactions in professional settings and everyday situations.

Once you’ve identified your communication style, choose the method that feels most comfortable for ending the relationship. You may need to directly tell the person, either face-to-face or through a message, that you wish to end the relationship and discontinue contact. After this conversation, take time to process your feelings and reflect on the interaction. If the person responds with abusive or manipulative behavior, be prepared to maintain your boundaries firmly and take additional protective measures, such as blocking their calls or contacting authorities if necessary.

Focusing on Self-Care After Ending a Relationship

Beyond handling the necessary communication, prioritize your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Ending a complex relationship can be stressful and emotionally draining, making self-care practices particularly important during this time.

While the emotional impact of ending a significant relationship may never completely disappear, there are effective ways to support your mental health and move forward. Here are several strategies to care for yourself after deciding to end a harmful relationship:

Manage Social Media Connections

If seeing the person online tempts you to re-engage with them, consider unfollowing or blocking them on social media platforms. If they’ve accepted the relationship’s end and aren’t actively trying to contact you online, you might allow the digital connection to remain. Trust your instincts about what feels healthiest for your situation. If they continue to message you against your wishes, blocking them may be necessary to enforce the boundaries you’ve established.

Cultivate Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend going through a difficult situation. Remind yourself that you deserve genuine, supportive relationships, and anyone who consistently makes you feel otherwise isn’t contributing positively to your life. If you make mistakes or find yourself wanting to return to the unhealthy relationship, remember that you’re human, and setbacks are a natural part of growth. Use these moments as learning opportunities rather than reasons for self-criticism.

Make Time for Enjoyment

While life requires structure and responsibility, it’s important to schedule time for activities that bring you joy, either alone or with supportive people in your life. As you plan your daily tasks and obligations, intentionally include time to relax and enjoy yourself. This practice can elevate your mood and strengthen your confidence.

Explore Hobbies and New Skills

Consider returning to activities you once enjoyed or learning something entirely new. Starting a sport, taking a class, learning a language, or developing a craft can be intellectually stimulating and emotionally fulfilling. Acquiring new skills helps boost self-confidence, improve mood, connect with others, and potentially enhance your professional capabilities. Research options that align with your interests, such as online courses or local community groups. You might create a list of potential hobbies and try them one by one until you find activities that resonate with you.

Incorporate Regular Exercise

Regular physical activity offers numerous mental and physical health benefits, including:

• Increased energy levels
• Improved mood
• Better sleep quality
• Enhanced overall physical health
• Improved cognitive function
• Reduced risk of cardiovascular disease

Consistent exercise can boost self-esteem while reducing anxiety and stress. Activities like morning walks or runs provide healthy outlets for releasing negative emotions and shifting focus away from relationship difficulties toward personal wellbeing.

Adopt Healthy Lifestyle Habits

Maintaining balanced nutrition and consistent sleep patterns can improve your energy levels and strengthen your immune system. Focus on regular, well-balanced meals that include fruits and vegetables. Stay hydrated and try to reduce consumption of fast food or meals high in grease, sugar, or salt.

A diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants, and high-fiber foods can help lower your risk of cardiovascular disease and increase resilience to stress. Additionally, establish consistent sleep and wake times to improve rest quality. Reduce sugar and caffeine intake before bedtime to support better sleep.

Avoid Substance Use as a Coping Mechanism

While it may be tempting to use alcohol or other substances to numb difficult emotions, these approaches typically create additional problems without resolving the underlying issues. Healthier coping strategies will better support your recovery and growth.

Turning to healthier coping mechanisms such as mindfulness, journaling, or talking with trusted friends and professionals will foster healing and resilience more effectively. If you find yourself struggling to manage your emotions or maintain boundaries, don’t hesitate to seek support from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized guidance tailored to your situation.

In summary, ending contact with someone who harms your mental health is a courageous step toward prioritizing your wellbeing. By setting clear boundaries, communicating assertively, and engaging in self-care practices, you can navigate this difficult process with greater confidence and compassion for yourself. Remember that healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take the time you need to rebuild and rediscover your sense of peace.

Your mental health is invaluable—protect it by surrounding yourself with relationships that uplift, respect, and nourish your growth.