Attachment Parenting: Understanding the 7 Baby Bs Approach

Attachment parenting emphasizes emotional bonding through seven core practices known as the Baby Bs—birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, bedding close to baby, believing in baby's cries, maintaining balance and boundaries, and being wary of strict training approaches—creating a responsive caregiving framework that supports secure attachment development.

Ever feel overwhelmed by the pressure to make the 'right' parenting choices for your child's emotional wellbeing? Attachment parenting has gained attention as a nurturing approach to parent-child bonding, but understanding its core principles — and whether they align with your family's needs — can help you make informed decisions about your parenting journey.

What Is Attachment Parenting And How Does It Work?

There are many parenting styles and philosophies to choose from in today’s world. With so much advice available, it can be challenging to determine what approach will work best for your family. Attachment parenting is one style you’ve likely heard mentioned and may already know something about. There are several misconceptions about attachment parenting practices, how they affect the formation of strong relationships with children, and their impact on child development. Read on for an overview of attachment parenting, learn more about this caregiving approach, and discover how many parents are finding support through telehealth counseling.

Thoughtful Approach to Parenting or Popular Trend: What Does Attachment Parenting Involve?

Let’s begin with a brief history of the attachment parenting approach.

The term attachment parenting was developed in 1982 by American pediatrician William Sears and his wife, nurse Martha Sears.

The practice centers on what they called the seven baby Bs: birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, bedding close to the baby (or bed-sharing), belief in the baby’s cries, balance and boundaries, and beware of the baby trainers. These seven principles form the foundation of the attachment parenting approach for parent-child attachment. We’ll explore each of these ideas in detail below. The core concept of attachment parenting is that caregivers should be highly responsive to cues from the child indicating their needs. The Sears couple developed these ideas based on their experience raising their own eight children and anthropologists’ observations of childrearing practices in tribal communities.

In parallel, English psychiatrist John Bowlby worked with emotionally disturbed children and developed a similar theory called attachment theory. Child development psychologist Mary Ainsworth also contributed significantly to attachment theory. This theory emphasizes that young children heavily rely on their primary caregiver to provide a psychological foundation that results in secure relationships and attachment to others later in life. The ideas of attachment theory and attachment parenting overlap in some ways. However, attachment parenting is a more structured practice, and some critics believe it may lead to caregivers feeling guilt or shame if they cannot provide the full range of ‘baby Bs’ for their child.

Specifically, attachment parenting recommends that caregivers remain physically close to their baby at all times, consistently touching and holding the baby while providing plenty of love and affection. AP parents try to stay nearby in the same room or family bed so they can readily hear their baby’s cry and respond to changes in temperament immediately.

The theory of attachment parenting also discourages parents from seeking advice from what they term ‘baby trainers’ on how to nurture their baby. Baby trainers, such as developmental psychologists, often advise parents to ignore the infant’s cues and follow a rigid formula or schedule. In contrast, attachment parenting encourages caregivers to trust their instincts and have confidence in their ability to recognize their infant’s cues to determine what to do and when.

Attachment Theory: Sears and Sears “7 Baby Bs” of Attachment Parenting

William Sears’ theory of attachment parenting is rooted in the idea of encouraging caregivers to be highly sensitive and responsive to their baby’s biological needs. There are, he believes, seven practices that parents should follow when implementing these sensitivity and empathy tenets of attachment parenting. He calls these practices the “7 Baby Bs,” which are explained more fully below.

Birth Bonding

Sears advises against using analgesics during the birthing process because he believes they interfere with birth bonding immediately after childbirth. Instead, he recommends natural childbirth (drug-free childbirth). Regarding birth bonding, Sears says there is a period after birth when the baby is in a “quiet, alert state,” which he believes is the best time for bonding. Skin-to-skin physical closeness following unmedicated childbirth is extremely important in attachment parenting. This refers to the time immediately after birth when the newborn is placed on the caregiver’s bare chest. However, it’s not limited only to the period just following birth. Skin-to-skin contact can be very calming for infants at any time, and both parents can engage in skin-to-skin contact to help form the baby’s secure attachment to both caregivers.

A natural birth can take many forms, such as a water birth or a home birth. It’s important to note that these types of births are not recommended for high-risk pregnancies. However, according to attachment parenting principles, the most important aspect of the birthing process is avoiding drugs to enhance the pivotal “first-moment” connection between children and their parents.

Other practices that are not part of Sears’ definition of attachment parenting but are aligned with its philosophy include the lotus birth, popularized by the midwifery community. This birth style involves leaving the baby attached to the placenta through delayed cord clamping until it naturally falls off. Another related post-birthing practice is “placenta encapsulation,” which involves placing the placenta into pill capsules after birth and consuming them. Both practices align with Sears’ recommendations for attachment parenting birth but are not directly included in his 7 “B’s” of parenting. They are more new-age approaches, and further research is recommended before incorporating them into your birth plan.

Baby Wearing

Sears recommends that the primary caregiver wear their child on their body as often, and for as many hours, as possible. He believes that baby wearing allows the caregiver to involve their child in everything they do, making the child happy to be with their caregiver for most of the day. Additionally, the caregiver can quickly respond to the baby’s signals indicating a need for attention.

Sears suggests continuing to wear your child for the first three years of life, claiming that baby wearing can also calm tantrums. While experts agree that baby wearing can soothe a child, some pediatricians do not recommend it past nine months, arguing that it may inhibit the child’s natural inclination to become more independent and gain skills and experiences with a wider range of family life. By encouraging children to explore beyond their safety zone, you might foster independence from a younger age.

Balance and Boundaries

No one expects a single caregiver to be the only person who can meet a baby’s needs. Attachment parenting recognizes this would be unrealistic and unhealthy. It’s important that caregivers take care of themselves and accept help from others, including friends and family members. This is especially important considering that childbirth can be physically intense, and the primary caregiver is also healing during the first few weeks after having a baby. Caregivers need to balance their personal and family life, allowing others to help so they can have enough time for self-care and maintaining secure attachments with older children. Attachment parenting can be more demanding than mainstream parenting styles, and the goal is to develop emotional bonding and secure attachment early in the child’s life, not to exhaust the caregiver. Sears recommends various ways caregivers can balance personal and family life by prioritizing tasks and delegating them to others to prevent burnout, such as allowing family members to help with housework and chores.

Breastfeeding

Unsurprisingly, Sears strongly advocates for extended breastfeeding, stating that the oxytocin released during the process creates a strong bonding experience between the caregiver and child. This is especially true, says Sears, during the child’s first ten days of life. He recommends frequent breastfeeding – about 8 to 12 times per day. Baby-led weaning, or following the child’s cues for when they are ready to stop breastfeeding, is also an important aspect of attachment parenting.

Bed Sharing

Sears says that families should use whatever sleeping methods work best for them, but that caregivers should sleep close to the baby. He believes in bed sharing, also called co-sleeping, referring to it as the nighttime version of baby-wearing. Sears particularly advises working parents to co-sleep with their baby, as bed sharing compensates for the absence the child feels during the day while the caregiver is at work.

He also says that co-sleeping makes nighttime breastfeeding easier, which many breastfeeding parents agree with, and that it also prevents Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and separation anxiety. While there is still much debate about whether co-sleeping prevents or increases the risk of SIDS, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises against bed sharing with infants but encourages room-sharing as a safer alternative.

Belief in the Baby’s Cries

Sears does not believe in sleep training or the “cry it out” method of allowing a crying child to fall asleep on their own. Sears believes that listening to a baby’s cry without responding only hardens the caregiver’s emotional responsiveness, reduces emotional bonding, and creates insecure attachments in the child. Sears argues that there is no scientific proof that sleep training benefits children or contributes to healthy child development. Many expert reports state how traumatic sleep training can be, although there are less harsh methods of sleep training, and other experts who say it is not harmful.

Crying, Sears believes, is a child’s way of expressing emotions. He advises AP parents to learn how to “read” or “diagnose” their child’s cries and respond appropriately. Before it even reaches that point, Sears advises that parents should do everything possible to prevent crying, as once it has gotten to that point, things have already gone too far.

Sears says that attachment parents should engage in physical contact with the child, breastfeeding, and bed sharing as much as possible and also learn to recognize the signs of when a baby is about to cry so that parents can prevent it before it starts. Sears argues that babies should never be left to cry because it can cause harm, yet another American pediatrician, T. Berry Brazelton, says a certain amount of crying is normal and will not hurt the child.

Beware of Baby Trainers

Baby trainers are what Sears calls child development experts who offer advice to new parents about raising their children. He felt that too often, these experts encouraged caregivers to go against their correct instincts about how to care for and respond to their infant. Instead, the baby trainers advised following a set program or schedule of baby care, and Sears felt this interfered with bonding and forming a deep attachment.

Common Criticism of Attachment Parenting

For every parenting style, there’s criticism, and attachment parenting is no exception. Here are some general critiques of attachment parenting:

It’s fear-based: Some argue that attachment parenting plays to parents’ insecurities. Most parents say they have no problem bonding with their babies and certainly don’t need to be reminded to give them love. They don’t believe that quickly responding to or preventing babies’ cries will prevent emotional deprivation, insecure attachment, or attachment disorders. In reality, many parents find that the joy of parenting and being around their child is enough without the sense of fear that Sears’ approach may instill.

It is anti-sleep training: There is much debate and advice regarding sleep training, with some studies suggesting it damages children and others indicating it’s perfectly fine. Some experts say the “cry it out” method leads to neurological problems and attachment disorders, such as disorganized attachment or insecure attachment. Other developmental psychologists dispute these effects.

It is anti-feminist: Attachment parenting essentially advocates for caregivers to be stay-at-home parents, which is not possible for many people in today’s society, and not all parents want to be the primary caregiver, staying at home all the time. Many parents in our current world want to work and have children.

It is anti-formula: Critics argue that while breastfeeding is certainly healthy for both caregiver and baby, some parents can’t breastfeed or don’t want to, and they shouldn’t be shamed in either case or made to feel inadequate because they don’t have the means to breastfeed their children.

It is not essential to wear your baby: Critics argue that true attachment doesn’t come from wearing your baby all day long but from the positive relationship you nurture with the child. As long as you have a close relationship, they say, your baby won’t be harmed by being in a stroller rather than a sling.

Some believe attachment parenting is unnecessary, and others consider it a form of child abuse. Some believe that while it may be beneficial initially, the effect soon becomes overbearing with minimal benefits. These critics feel that attachment parenting deprives children of the opportunity to explore life independently without a caregiver constantly in the same room, watching over their shoulders – or wearing them on theirs.

Modified and Less Strict Versions of Attachment Parenting

If attachment parenting appeals to you, you might be concerned about the criticisms against it or the amount of work that seems to fall on the primary caregiver. However, remember that you don’t have to practice every tenet of attachment parenting to the letter. As long as you’re fostering a close and loving bond with your child, you’re already on the right track. You can co-sleep and breastfeed without wearing your baby all day. Or, you can carry your child close to your body for much of the day but use formula. Do what works for you and your child.

Above all, remember that every child – and every caregiver – is different, so what works for some families may not work for others. After birth, caregivers experience many hormonal changes, and their feelings about attachment parenting may evolve. You might be carrying your baby constantly, yet they still cry. You might offer breastfeeding, but your child doesn’t want it the recommended 8 to 12 times a day that attachment parenting suggests. Some parents find that cloth diapers or elimination communication work best for their child, while that simply may not be the case for you.

Go with what works for you and your child by using gentle discipline, both on yourself and the baby, when following certain parenting methods.

How to Get Help from Professionals

Are you interested in learning more about choosing a parenting style that will work best for you? Do you have concerns about parenting and would like support and feedback? If so, you might want to consult with a developmental psychologist, or you can contact one of ReachLink’s licensed clinical social workers for more information about attachment parenting, attachment theory, and forming a secure attachment with your child. ReachLink is an online platform that connects you with experienced mental health professionals who can provide guidance and support wherever you have internet access and a smartphone, tablet, or computer.

Takeaway

There are many ways to learn more about attachment parenting and creating a secure attachment with your child. One approach is to read books on attachment parenting to deepen your understanding of this theory and its practical applications. Besides attachment parenting books, there are also resources that discuss attachment theory more broadly, such as Bowlby’s book *Attachment* or *The Attachment Parenting Book*.

You can also connect with Attachment Parenting International, an organization dedicated to educating and supporting families as they strive to provide healthy emotional bonding and positive discipline for their children. Attachment Parenting International publishes parenting tips in newsletters, weekly blogs, a digital magazine, and a book called *Attached at the Heart*, authored by organization co-founders Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker. If you’re interested in learning more about attachment parenting and forming a secure attachment with your child, this organization offers valuable resources.

FAQ

• How does attachment parenting affect a child's emotional development?

  Attachment parenting can significantly influence a child's emotional development by creating a secure foundation for healthy relationships. When parents consistently respond to their child's needs through the 7 Bs approach, children typically develop better emotional regulation skills, stronger self-esteem, and increased confidence in exploring their environment. Research shows that secure attachment in early childhood often leads to better social relationships and emotional resilience in later life.

• What are common challenges parents face when implementing attachment parenting?

  Common challenges include balancing constant availability with self-care, managing sleep deprivation from bed-sharing, dealing with criticism from family or friends who may not understand this parenting approach, and maintaining boundaries while being responsive. These challenges can create stress and anxiety for parents, making it important to develop healthy coping strategies and seek support when needed.

• When should parents seek therapeutic support for attachment-related concerns?

  Parents should consider therapy if they experience persistent anxiety about their parenting approach, struggle with bonding, feel overwhelmed by the demands of attachment parenting, or notice their child showing signs of attachment difficulties. Professional support can also be beneficial when parents need help processing their own attachment history or require guidance in balancing attachment parenting with other life responsibilities.

• How can therapy help improve parent-child attachment?

  Therapy can enhance parent-child attachment through various evidence-based approaches. A licensed therapist can help parents understand their attachment style, develop responsive parenting strategies, and address any emotional barriers affecting the bonding process. Therapeutic interventions might include parent-child interaction therapy, emotional coaching techniques, and strategies for maintaining healthy boundaries while practicing attachment parenting principles.