5 Stages of Grief

Grief is a strong and overwhelming feeling that nearly everyone will experience at some point in their lives. It commonly arises after the death of a loved one, going through bereavement, or the end of a meaningful relationship. Despite being a widespread phenomenon, the way individuals experience grief can greatly vary. People may have different emotions and ways of coping with their grief, and sometimes it can become incredibly intense.

Comprehending the process of grief and the Kübler Ross model, comprising denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, offers a framework for dissecting the various stages of this emotional journey. It's important to note that not everyone experiences these phases in a strictly linear fashion, and some may express their anger towards entities like God or inanimate objects. Nevertheless, finding solace in this model is possible if it strikes a chord with your own experience. Continue reading to delve into the five stages and discover coping mechanisms, including discussing your emotions with others and seeking support as you navigate through your personal grieving process.

The model of the five stages of grief was initially proposed by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Since its introduction, some have elaborated on the stages and their usual expressions, while others reject the model, considering it outdated. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and co-author David Kessler addressed these perspectives in their 2014 work, On Grief and Grieving, emphasizing that the stages have evolved and have often been misunderstood over the past three decades. They clarified that the stages were not intended to neatly categorize complex emotions but rather represent common responses to loss. Kübler-Ross and Kessler emphasized the individuality of grief, stating that there is no typical response to loss, as each person's experience of grief is as unique as their life.

In line with Kübler-Ross's perspective, the stages should not be viewed as fixed points on a straight timeline. Instead, they serve as a guide to assist individuals in adapting to their loss. These different stages offer a means to recognize and comprehend one's emotions, facilitating the process of working through grief. The sequence in which these stages are encountered is not predetermined, and individuals may not necessarily undergo all of them. Some may revisit stages they encountered before, while bypassing others entirely.

In essence, everyone undergoes grief uniquely, and models like the five stages should be seen as resources for those who find them beneficial rather than strict guidelines on navigating the grieving process. If the five stages model doesn't resonate with you, alternative approaches like the dual process model (DPM), the six-R processes of mourning, or the four phases of grief are worth exploring.

"People frequently perceive the stages as enduring for weeks or months, overlooking the fact that these stages correspond to fleeting emotions that may persist for only minutes or hours, as we transition between them. The progression through each stage is not a straightforward linear process; rather, we may experience one stage, then another, and return to the initial one in a cyclical manner."

The Five Stages of Grief, as conceptualized by Kübler-Ross, can be beneficial for those navigating through grief or supporting a loved one in this journey. Familiarizing oneself with these stages may assist individuals in articulating their emotions. Kübler-Ross's five stages include the following.

Resistance

While the sequence of stages is variable, resistance often emerges as the initial response. This can be perceived as a natural defense mechanism aimed at aiding an individual in coping with the acute and immediate anguish of a setback. Its purpose is to shield the person from instantly confronting the full magnitude of their sorrow. Consequently, this phase might induce sensations of shock, emotional numbness, or a sense of detachment from reality.

Anger

Emotions of rage constitute another inherent aspect of the healing process for numerous individuals. According to Kübler-Ross, it is beneficial to permit oneself to experience the various phases of anger. Embracing this emotion instead of evading it can facilitate its processing and contribute to the journey of healing. Kübler-Ross notes that the experience of grief may create a sensation of detachment from the world, leaving one adrift and isolated amid a sea of emotions. In such a context, anger serves as a valuable outlet, providing a sense of direction and a connection, particularly following the emotional numbness associated with denial.

Negotiation

During the negotiation phase, there is a strong yearning to alter the past in order to avert the cause of one's sorrow. This phase commonly manifests as attempts to engage in conversation and make deals with a higher authority, seeking the opportunity to rewind time and make alterations. It may also involve making pledges to lead a specific life in the future in exchange for a return to the previous state of affairs.

Kübler-Ross advises against becoming absorbed in speculative thoughts like "what if" or "if only." Dwelling on these unreal scenarios can lead to feelings of guilt about perceived missed opportunities. Rather than succumbing to such reflections, it is suggested to show oneself kindness and gentleness. Engaging in bargaining may provide a fleeting sense of hope or control, offering temporary relief needed to navigate through the subsequent stages of the healing process.

Depression
Depression arises when your focus shifts back to the current moment, rather than dwelling on the past or hoping for a different future. During this phase, the weight of grief may become fully apparent, manifesting as a sense of emptiness or a profound sadness that surpasses any previous experiences of sorrow. According to Kübler-Ross, the death of a loved one or any other significant loss naturally triggers feelings of depression as a fitting and understandable response. During this stage, practicing self-compassion and self-care is crucial, as harsh self-judgment for the inherent emotions may hinder the healing process. Seeking support from others in your social circle can also prove beneficial throughout this stage and others in the grieving process.

Acceptance

Embracing is a frequently misinterpreted phase of grieving. People often mistakenly believe it signifies overcoming the loss or returning to a state of normalcy. However, in actuality, this phase primarily involves adapting to the new reality. It entails acknowledging the reality of the situation, in contrast to earlier stages where the full extent of the situation may not have been comprehended, or there might have been a lingering hope that the loss was just a nightmare. A key aspect of this phase involves discovering strategies to coexist with grief while progressing in one's life.

How Long Does Grief Typically Last?

There is no fixed duration for the grieving process, as the impact of a loss varies from person to person. Predicting the exact duration of one's emotional response is challenging due to individual differences. Nevertheless, if intense grief symptoms persist for more than six months, surpassing what is considered typical for a person's circumstances and cultural norms, and if they significantly disrupt daily functioning, it may indicate the presence of complicated grief—a mental health condition. Additional signs include persistent feelings of isolation, intrusive thoughts about the deceased that impede daily activities, an inability to come to terms with the loss, and excessive avoidance or constant seeking of reminders associated with the loss, among other indicators. Fortunately, complicated grief is treatable, often through psychotherapy methods that emphasize self-observation, reflection, companionship, and imagery exercises.

Can Therapy Help?

The assistance of therapy in navigating through the process of grieving is crucial. Although grief can be a lonely experience, it's essential to recognize that support is accessible. Drawing strength from loved ones can be comforting, and some individuals may opt to enlist the aid of a qualified mental health expert. These professionals can provide a secure and unbiased environment for you to articulate your feelings, and they can guide you in cultivating constructive coping strategies to navigate and coexist with your grief.

For individuals deeply immersed in the grieving journey, attending face-to-face therapy sessions might appear challenging, daunting, or draining. Given that studies indicate online therapy can be a beneficial approach for addressing grief, you may want to explore this option. Utilizing a digital therapy platform such as BetterHelp allows you to be paired with a qualified counselor for sessions conducted through phone calls, video calls, and/or in-app messaging, all from the convenience of your home or any location with internet access. Irrespective of the method you opt for, mental health professionals are accessible to assist you in navigating your grief.

Keep In Mind…

Grieving is a personal journey, but you don't have to face it in isolation. The details provided, such as the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, can assist you in recognizing the different phases of grief and understanding your emotions. Seeking the guidance of a therapist can offer additional support as you navigate through your grieving process.