Building Healthy Relationships Through Clear Expectations

Your Relationship Expectations List: Creating Healthy Connections Through Virtual Therapy

Having a clear set of relationship expectations can be the foundation for building a healthy connection. However, distinguishing between reasonable and unreasonable expectations significantly impacts both relationship quality and personal satisfaction. Research suggests that maintaining high but realistic expectations increases your chances of achieving the relationship you desire. Conversely, low expectations may lead you to accept treatment you don’t deserve. Through ReachLink’s specialized telehealth therapy services, you can explore your needs and expectations to foster healthier relationships.

The influence of expectations on relationship quality

Both excessively high and unnecessarily low expectations affect relationship satisfaction. Healthy expectations typically include quality time with your partner, mutual trust, respect, support, and equal commitment to the relationship.

Problems arise when expectations become unreasonable, often stemming from idealized notions based on long-held (sometimes unconscious) assumptions about what relationships should provide. Unrealistic expectations might include believing a relationship will “save” you, expecting partners to intuitively understand your needs without communication, or thinking they should heal your past wounds or improve your self-esteem.

Relationship experts recognize that conflict naturally occurs in any relationship. Expecting a completely conflict-free relationship is unreasonable. However, expecting conflicts to be free from emotional or physical abuse is entirely reasonable and necessary.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Understanding self-sacrifice in relationships

Many consider self-sacrifice an inherent part of relationships, particularly when interests differ. For example, one partner might prefer watching a movie together while the other wants to read alone. If the reading-inclined partner chooses to watch the movie instead, they’re making a small sacrifice for the relationship’s benefit. Such negotiations and compromises occur regularly in healthy relationships.

Research indicates that individuals with lower expectations regarding their partner’s self-sacrifice often experience greater appreciation for their partner. Conversely, having high expectations for a partner’s self-sacrifice typically shows no significant effect on relationship satisfaction or appreciation.

The power of future-oriented expectations

Research suggests that commitment often stems from expectations of future satisfaction, even when couples face current challenges.

Many relationships encounter difficulties that affect present satisfaction, but expecting to overcome these challenges together can provide emotional resilience during tough times.

Creating your relationship expectations list

Whether you’re establishing groundwork for a future relationship or reassessing your current one, consider these healthy expectations:

• Mutual respect and honesty
• Kindness and compassion
• Consideration and trust
• Genuine interest in each other
• Open, transparent communication
• Shared enjoyable activities
• Quality time together
• Comfort expressing vulnerability, needs, and values
• Freedom to spend time alone without guilt
• Ability to share concerns without fear
• Expression of both positive and negative emotions
• Support for life goals and aspirations
• Mutual commitment to the relationship
• Freedom from unfavorable comparisons
• Respect for intimacy boundaries
• Acknowledgment that disagreements will occur
• Occasional sacrifices for the relationship
• Freedom to end the relationship if necessary

While these expectations are reasonable, partners may not meet them perfectly every time. Trust and commitment typically develop gradually, especially for those with difficult relationship histories.

However, fundamental qualities like respect, communication, kindness, and honesty are essential from the beginning. These elements foster trust and commitment. Ultimately, how you navigate disagreements significantly impacts relationship satisfaction.

Your personal list might include additional qualities specific to your needs. Some might prioritize a sense of humor during challenges, while others value shared faith or cultural background.

Recognizing unrealistic expectations

Alongside healthy expectations, unreasonable ones can undermine relationship foundations:

• Expecting constant availability or companionship
• Making decisions for your partner, like controlling their friendships
• Expecting your partner to always prioritize the relationship
• Assuming they’ll never find others attractive
• Expecting them never to feel annoyed with you
• Demanding immediate responses to messages
• Expecting the relationship to solve your problems
• Hoping old emotional wounds will heal automatically
• Seeking self-actualization solely through the relationship
• Assuming all interests will be shared
• Believing the “right person” eliminates relationship challenges
• Expecting mind-reading without expressing your needs
• Demanding constant validation
• Expecting grand romantic gestures as proof of love
• Assuming the initial intensity of feelings will remain unchanged
• Expecting your partner to function as your therapist

Discussing expectations with your partner

In a relationship, it’s reasonable to assume both partners have their own standards and expectations. Sharing these criteria promotes mutual understanding of what matters to each of you. Some expectations may require negotiation and compromise.

While occasional doubt is normal, persistent relationship doubt can be harmful. Such doubt often stems from past experiences, stress, or projected fears, which might benefit from individual or couples therapy.

When to consider therapy

Navigating relationship expectations—both conscious and unconscious—can be challenging. If you’re struggling to examine your relationship expectations, telehealth therapy through ReachLink offers a convenient solution.

Advantages of telehealth therapy

ReachLink connects you with licensed therapists through secure video sessions, providing flexibility to attend therapy individually or with your partner from any comfortable location. Our user-friendly platform ensures privacy while offering the convenience of scheduling sessions that fit your lifestyle.

Effectiveness of telehealth therapy

Recent research from 2022 compared telehealth couples therapy with in-office sessions and found comparable effectiveness. This study adds to growing evidence that virtual therapy produces results similar to in-person treatment, making it a viable alternative for those seeking relationship guidance.

Takeaway

Establishing clear criteria for relationship expectations helps you cultivate the connection you desire. Society’s unrealistic standards and unconscious assumptions about relationships can create unhealthy expectations. Learning to distinguish between healthy and unrealistic expectations lays the groundwork for satisfying relationships. If you’d like professional guidance in examining your relationship expectations, ReachLink’s telehealth therapy services offer accessible support with licensed mental health professionals.